Maeby

DSC_3775, originally uploaded by ditchell.

The girl at work who gave me Maeby let me know that her birthday is December 28th. So here is her birthday portrait.

Maeby is sometimes a mean little cat who likes to bite and scratch for fun. But once you accept you're going to come out scathed, she's a blast. She and Koba get along pretty good- right now they're on my bed, sleeping. Waiting for me to go to bed so they can wake me up. They play fight pretty much every day until the old man gets tired of it and runs away. But all is well. It's boring just having one cat. And learning her little quirks is entertaining. My favorite thing about Maeby, and the thing that will probably kill me one day is that she loves to lay on steps. And if she sees you coming, stomping down the hall towards her, she doesn't move. You have to step over her. Cause that is HER step. How dare you even think of moving her? She has no fear of me or anyone else. It is VERY different from Koba.

I didn't do anything special for her birthday. I might devote a blog post to her, but come on, let's not take this cat thing too far.

In other news:

worldofgoo.com

buy it. play it. I don't care who you are reading this, you'll enjoy it. They have a demo you can download if you don't believe me.

Cincinnati

Worst things about Cincinnati:

1. The bitter, biting cold in my bones that only people who live in reasonable climates feel. Having John laugh at me because I was wearing 3 layers in his house (his frigid, frigid house) was not amusing.

2. "Let's not smoke in bars anymore" is not an unreasonable request. When it is 20 degrees outside, my opinion changes. No smoke in bars has also allowed more children to enjoy the healthy, uplifting bar environment. 

3.  All the good beer. Saturday was spent recovering from Friday. Drinking 6 high alcohol beers after 6 miller lites is a one way ticket to hangoveria. 

4. John lives in the damn burbs. I don't blame him. But its a drive.

5. HARD WATER. The only flaw in his house. I didn't really understand hard water. Now I do. It sucks. 

Best things about Cincinnati:

1. It's really not that far. 7 hours north.

2. Good beer. It is a double edged sword, that beer.

3. It's different. But not really. They still have sweet tea. And weird chili. 

4. United Dairy Farmers- Imagine a gas station that can make you the best milkshake you've ever tasted. And then imagine that gas station being every 200 yards in any direction. 

5. The best thing about Cincinnati is that it's right next to Newport, Kentucky. Cause that's where the Haufbrauhaus is. More later. I'm tired. 

Turner Gill - Speechless

go forward for the interview.

war eagle, coach. if i can't have leach, i can handle you.

Sad, really.

For some reason "Sad Guys on Trading Floors"

http://sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com/


no longer makes me laugh. this makes me sad. 

but not on a trading floor. 

hm

i now see where we stand, jesus. loud and clear.

this was a debacle. i'm not callnig for people's jobs on my little blog, but i'm also not going to be too upset if that's what happens next.


de-bac-le.

Dear Lord,

First of all let me apologize for liking that one Slayer album. I'm sorry. It's really good, though. And the Danzig phase...that's kinda over. I am _not_ going to apolgize for Zeppelin. 

Anyways, we haven't talked in a while. But I have a request. And I think it will benefit you as well as me. 

Please, dear God, let Auburn beat Alabama. I know we've had six in a row. I understand that children in first grade have no conception of Alabama winning the Iron Bowl. I know. 

But this is the year. This is their great comeback. Their return to prominence. All signs point to Saban making them a competent team for years and years. And this is the time when we need it most. All those Alabama flags, dusty from six years in the basement are flying. Shirts long since forgotten are being brought out. The fair weather fans are back. 

Now is the time, God. Now is the time for the reincarnation of Tre Smith. Now is the time for a stunning upset from a team that has looked completely hapless for most of the year. Now is the time for Tuscaloosa to feel that now familiar stinging reminder that Auburn owns them. 

Listen, if you don't want to come through, I guess I can live with that. It's been a good run...hell (sorry!) it's been a great run.  I just want 1 more year. I just want to ruin their dreams. Is that so wrong? I want to hear them crying and moaning. I want to hear some idiot call for Saban's job on Finebaum. 

It would be so sweet.

War Damn Eagle. 

remember?

remember when i promised to update twice a week? what happened to me?

1. i became the tech support/dork writing/troublemaker for bham.fm- its harder than it looks, I promise.

2. Sweeps. This month is ratings apocalypse at work. We're doing pretty good. Not great, but pretty good.

3. Warhammer. It's over. You know how I told you I'd get bored? I am. I wish I wasn't but I am. It lasted two months. I'll come back when they get their shit together...they don't have it together now, that's for sure.

4. Fleas. It took about 3 weeks worth of worrying/cleaning/dosing/bathing to eliminate fleas. I _think_ they are gone now? Who knows? I know I hate fleas more than anything. More than Hitler.

5. Beer. I get off work, and I want it.

6. Girls. I see one of these girls you speak of, and I understand that if I don't actively try to hang out with them, and they get mad at me. It's very strange to me- why is it not OK for me to just go home and play Gears of War 2 for 3 hours and not call you? Do you not understand that the Locust Horde is trying to take over a planet? Is that not something you care about?

7. Crime and Punishment. This book is a bitch, but I like it. I read about 15 pages a night on it. I used to read like a fiend- not anymore. And that's OK with me.

8. Leaves. They suck ass.

9. Desktop Tower Defense. CRACK COCAINE IN FLASH FORM. I've been trying to get this game out of my system for a year now. It will not dislodge.

That's enough. Now that I mentioned it, I'm going to play another round of DTD.

flea pills

so we have had a flea problem at the house. I tried several remedies, but tonight I gave the cats a pill I bought from the vet for 6 bucks each.

An hour later, its fleapocolypse in here. God bless vet biotechnology. Or whatever its called.

So far so good. I'd like to never see a flea again. That would be fantastic.

In other news, Whitney and I started a music website. check it out- bham.fm

we're too good for .com. that's so early 2000s.

Right now, it's pretty empty. But Whitney will write like a madwoman, and next thing you know there will be 100 stories on it. I'll take credit for her hard work and tell everyone that I'm really behind the site. She'll leave, start bham.am and destroy me.

or it will be a nice place to read about music in birmingham. I don't plan on being a posting fiend, but the special kind of nonsense reviews will show up there.

my first review will be of bloom. I just have to figure out how to explain how incredibly/stunningly/uniquely impressive it is. I made something with it the other night I desperately wanted to record so i could recreate it. I suppose that will make sense when you read the review. Which will be right after I write it.

My vote

My vote, originally uploaded by ditchell.

My parents reminded me that their two votes cancel mine out. I explained to them that for the first time in my adult life, I'm damn proud of my vote.

Voting

Go vote!

I am predicting Obama with 360 electoral votes. And I am doing so right here, so we can read it tomorrow and cry or laugh.

acquisitions

3 albums:

1. T.I. Paper Trail. I listen to this sort of thing so you don't have to. And I love it.

2. MIA- Kala. It attaches to your brain and does not let go.

3. The new TV on the Radio. How in the hell did this come out and I didn't notice? I LOVED the last one. I haven't heard the new one yet, but how could it possibly be bad? It can't. It's impossible.
Check out this one from their last album.


This year has seem crazy slow as far as music to me. What am I missing?

theres three stories and they are all mixed together

They came over the hill- and there were 20 of them. I'd never seen that many in the sparsely populated area. They had formed a Warband, and my explorations into a quiet part of the map were at an end.

Today was front yard lovin day. 5 bags of leaves and pinestraw all thanks to my mower (which has to be coerced into starting despite the sticker proudly saying "Guaranteed to start" on it.

There was four minutes left in the game when I noticed a lot of guys in blue shirts hanging out together, listening to music. We had set up a tv so people could watch the game, and there were about 30 people doing so. I also noticed the black shirted guys moving in behind the blue shirts. But only just barely. The 3 cops that appeared next to our tent had noticed as well.

They slaughtered me. Instantly. I respawned at the warcamp and saw that something bigger was going on. Our own warband was forming, and I joined up. Those Order assholes were going to pay.

The backyard remains in its leaf-full state. I did attempt to go to directv last week and was told unoffically which tree must go. It's not that big and the neighbor gave the OK to kill it since its on both of our property. I look forward to some chainsaw justice next weekend.

The next thing I know, literally 5 fights break out at once. I had never seen anything like it in my life. I immediately move out of the way as 4 guys push one through one of our tables. The tv shakes, so I hold it. My head is on a swivel- the guy who crashed into the table is getting mauled by four guys in black shirts. There's two fights near me and people are running away. 3 people stay fixed on the game. I contemplate putting the tv on the ground and getting out of there- but then I see that the cops are pulling out the mace.

The warband has a very vocal leader. He has a plan and we must follow it exactly. I imagine him to be a 15 year old kid who's yelling at his mom for one more hour playing the game in between detailing our strategies. I just go where he tells me and whack things with my sword. we quickly roll through the smaller objectives, and end up at the keep- a giant castle filled with those Order bastards that ganked me before.

I got mocked today for caring so much about my yard. I guess its tough to explain- but when the yard is cut it feels good. I can finally understand why my father was so obsessed with it. It is satisfying to look out across your land, and be happy with it. I am by no means OCD about cleaning things, but when you do it, and do it right, it does feel satisfying in a way that I've never understood until I got the house.

So there I was, holding a television, watching the cops douse the gangs in mace. And they didn't seem to care- at first. After about 20 seconds which seemed like an eternity, they all started running away from us. The cops strolled along behind them, not in a hurry, herding them out of the park. I was laughing at the poor bastards when I got my first whiff of mace. It is not a smell/taste I'd like to ever experience again. And I still can't believe how long it took for them to react to it- they must have really wanted to beat up those blue shirt people. I know I haven't worn a blue shirt since.

The seige of Stonetroll Keep was very fun and also very long. There's something to be said for about 80 people interacting together playing a game at the same time, with similar goals. We planted seige engines, they put a vat of oil over their door so we couldn't destroy it with dying almost instantly. Our ranged attackers had to kill the oil first. This left me useless. I do my business up close. Once the oil was taken care of, we battered the door open- and I saw my nemesii (c'mon, that has to be right?) staring at me.

But other priorites always get in the way with the house. The list of things to do grows and grows and grows. And the distractions from a video game to work always seem to creep into my time. I don't let myself focus on the house- maybe I should. I don't know.

So that's how I survived a Mexican gang fight. A week later, it seems less intense than it was at the time. But it was pretty damn crazy. I asked a cop afterwards if he'd ever seen anything like that. He replied "Yeah- on TV." Amen, cop.

The battle was bloody. I think I died 3 times. Luckily I was resurrected by a teammate. We actually didn't take the keep- but I killed at least 6 of the twenty that got me. Once I had a little goblin guy concerned with my health (literally), I was a wrecking ball tearing through their backlines. If you're wearing a robe and holding a stick and see me coming, then I hope you make peace with whatever weird thing you worship because I can assure you that yous gonna die. I logged off and realized that I needed to get away from the game for a while. I'll do some yard work.

Warhammer

Tycho for Penny Arcade sums up Warhammer pretty well in the middle of this post.

In other news, I was in the middle of a Mexican Gang War this past Saturday.

Really.

And I now know what mace smells/tastes like. (bad, of course).

I will discuss this with you when I am not supposed to be working.

I have a rekindled love of twitter. if you search for ditchell, you'll find me.

etc.

There's plenty to say but I'm too tired to say it all. 

I've been sick since Sunday. This is the first day I've felt close to normal.

I have played a ton of Warhammer. I love it. It loves me. I will probably speak of this again. My character in the game has a giant sword for an arm. Don't turn your back on him because he will totally stab you when you're not looking. I'm making a career out of that (in game only, I swear). 

I'm reading the new Neil Stephenson book Anathem. It is absolutely incredible. I will also speak of this again. If you're wondering who this is, go buy Cryptonomicon and thank me 1000 pages later. 

The leaves have begun their descent. The days of harvest, mulch, and complain are upon us. 

Due to my warhammer problem, I am typing to you from Windows XP, installed on my mac. This is both hilarious and sad to me. 

Work is actually kinda cool lately. November is looming as THE MONTH. The pressurized finale to my ascension to whatever it is I do. After November, I am going to make some big decisions about the future and such. 8 years at one place is a long time. I'll say that.  I'll also say that if the economy remains like this, I'll just be happy to have a job. 

I'm going to come out and say it, on the internet. I'm voting for Barack Obama. I don't agree with everything but he seems like the best option. This will be the first democrat I've voted for. My shameful presidential voting history- Perot, Nader, Bush (shudder).  I really hated Kerry and I was over Nader in '04. Ugh.

On that note, its half a shot of Nyquil and six hours of crazy dream sleep. And tomorrow writing scripts and Friday, glorious Friday, I don't have to work. I plan on forcing myself to go to the gym, and playing sweet delicious warhammer the rest of the time. 

must...resist...

ok. I have a confession.

I really, really want to play Warhammer.

I can tell you based on to my brief, sleep deprived, moments with Warcraft and City of Heroes this is what will happen:

1. I will drop off the face of the earth for no more than 1 month. Maybe 2.
2. I will get bored with it, and upset at being surrounded with losers who have nothing better to do with their time (and have better equipment than me)
3. I will cancel it, and vow to never play it again (until the expansion comes out, and I'll do this same thing again).

Despite knowing that this will happen- I still want to play the damn thing. The lure of these type games is strong for me.

So I guess I'll see you next month?

Oh and just wait til Champions Online comes out. Been nice knowing you...

No god no

It's coming. I can feel it.

The end of daylight savings time. It just makes me mad. No single thing makes me think I'm wasting my life in a windowless cave more than leaving work when it's dark. And now slowly, the days are getting shorter.

Part of the "remove crap from my house" initiative has begun. I removed all the lumbering hulks of dead computers from a closet- 5 towers in all. dead computers of Phil, John, my parents, and myself. Out of some sort of strange (for me) concern for others, I removed the hard drives from the stack and will find a way to properly smash them. Next up is the great book purge- If there's honestly no chance of me ever reading it again it will go. I remember when my friend Targus bought his first house- I was stunned at how empty it was. Now, I am jealous.

oh and in an unrelated event...

i purchased tuna flavored cat laxative today.


for reals.

what i nobody wants to say

ah hell, I'll say it.

I'm scared shitless about the economy. And its normally not something that I give much thought to. But the more I read the more I'm sure that the world just changed. And not in a good way. And while all this stuff has yet to trickle down to a mid market television station and a senior writer/producer at said station...its coming. We're owned by a group of bankers, who right now are sitting in a smoke-filled room with a map of all our stations. And they aren't happy.

Perhaps I'm overreacting. And there are actually plenty of jobs in my field. Elsewhere. And then I'll have to sell the house (not that anyone is buying houses). And then I'll have to move to a city where I don't know anyone. And then I'll have to....

Ugh. I need to stop reading and go back to playing video games.

The Gee Mail

It is no secret that gmail is the business. I am not going to write a blog telling you of its virtues. I have 2 close friends who are still using Yahoo. I'm shocked they aren't on AOL and Compuserve still as well. Askin' Jeeves, bustin' out Mosaic and using Pine for their email (yeah, I'm old)

Anyways, this is for my gmail brothers and sisters. And apparently its old news.

Click on settings, and then Labs.

There's 20 something features that you can "add on" to gmail. Including the one that drove me nuts- when i respond to a group email, it now defaults to "reply to all" instead of reply.

Very cool. Gmail is where its at, ya'll. I got 2 turntables and a microphone.

yeah so

So Auburn lost to LSU. Let's metaphor that up with the rest of the night:

We played great defense, but in the 2nd half still let the offense through. We tried our hardest to keep it close, but in the end, even with 3 timeouts, just couldn't move the ball down the field.

The better team won tonight.

lobes

Sinus headaches are here. It seems to coincide with fall and spring. I try not to offer your usual complaints here but damn this hurts.

I've been playing lots of Rock Band 2. It's not really a new game, its a glorified expansion pack. But that doesn't really bother me- there was nothing wrong with Rock Band 1. I've yet to try the drum trainer, but the next time I can not feel like my head is going to explode, I'll give it a try.

The most enjoyable songs so far:

Singing "Feel the Pain" by Dinosaur Jr
Guitar on "Hungry Like the Wolf" (really!)

The lows:
Every instrument on "So Watcha Want". Singing is fun, of course.

There is no other news. Spore/Rockband/Trivia/Head throbbing can't think/sleep. So it goes.

Trivial

Oh dammit.

The trivia question was- put these in order from oldest to newest based on the year they won Best Picture.

Braveheart
Schindler's List
Driving Miss Daisy
Silence of the Lambs

I immediately wrote down the years they won. We discussed it for a while, and we agreed-

Driving Miss Daisy
Silence of the Lambs
Schindler's List
Braveheart

So I wrote this down on the card to turn in:

Driving Miss Daisy
Silence of the Lambs
Braveheart
Schindlers List

In my defense, I showed it to everyone at the table. But I still screwed up. And it cost us $25 bucks EACH. There's this pain in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. I'm completely disgusted with myself. I went to bed beating myself up over it, and it was the first thing I thought about this morning. I much prefer when I can direct my anger towards someone else. But not this time.

Dammit.

What Birmingham has to offer...

So I am all Iphoned up. An interesting application I've found is called Graffitio. Basically, it sees where you are and if someone has posted a message nearby, it shows up. For instance when I was downtown there were "walls" for Urban Standard, Nana Funks, and some other places. But there is also a generic "Birmingham" wall.

And that's what made me smile tonight.
Yesterday, some jackass wrote:

"Is this the best Birmingham has to offer?"

I assume he was referring to the fact that there were only a handful of messages on our wall.
Well someone, and if I met him or her I'd buy them a drink, said this:

"No. Birmingham can also offer you a swift punch in your face."

Awesome.

Spore Review: ?/10

I was going to write a hate letter to Spore. I've been waiting on Spore for about 3 years- the guy who made Sim City making a game that starts at the cellular level and ends up with you colonzing outer space? That's the kind of thing I'd get excited about.

But playing it for 8 hours yesterday did not make me joyous, and those kinds of game usually do.

You start out as a cell. And you basically play a fancy version of pac-man for 30 minutes.

Then you get to design your creature- which is one hell of a good time. And then you play this weird Warcraft but simple game where you can either dance and sing and make friends, or kill everything that moves. Guess what I did? (I did both, but you know which one I enjoyed).

THEN you do basically the same thing, but there's resource gathering. I did a healthy mix of killing and dancing, befriending some tribes and wiping other ones off the map.

THEN you play a very dumbed down version of Command & Conquer until you take over your planet. The highlights here are you get to design your buildings and vehicles (or choose from a ton of them prebuilt). I had a blast designing my AT-ST walker- complete with blaring propaganda horns (by then I had become a "religious" nation).

By this time, it's 9 at night and I was incredibly underwhelmed. The character/vehicle/building creator is fun. But everything else is just so simple and limiting. I'm going to go through it all again on the hard difficulty, but I imagine that's just going to make it more frustrating and even less fun. We shall see.

After a break, I fired it back up to get to last stage- Space. I only got about an hour in before I realized it was ridiculously late, but it was the most fun I'd had all day playing it. I'm not convinced that it will save the rest of the game but it might. I'm going to figure out how to upload a pic of my starship- cause that was fun as hell to make. (This link might work- it doesn't look near as good at that odd angle.)

Anyways, I'll be playing it tonight, picking up creatures with my UFO's tractor beam, and throwing them into the atmosphere. That's the kind of thing I'm into.

Dr. Pirate Time Machine reviews Of Montreal's "Skeletal Lamping" 9/10

Ok. First of all, this album is probably not something you'll like. Cause I'm just going to say it. This thing is a little gay. There's a song that the chorus is, and I'm not joking, "We can do it softcore but I take it both ways." There are songs written from the perspective of prostitutes. And at one point, Kevin Barnes says "I'm just a black she-male, and i dont know what you people are all about."

Not something you normally sing along to.

But the weirdest thing (for me, at least) is that I don't care. I've never considered myself homophobic (but who does, really?) more like homo-i-dont-give-a-shit-about-you. Or something more eloquent.

And this album (which is due in October) has not awakened a new side of me. I am not wearing mascara right now. I bet the main guy of Of Montreal is though. Cause he's a weird dude. But also married. I can't quite figure that one out. He's very Bowie-esque I guess.

I love this album. I love this band. I love the sound, I love the profane-ness. I love the fact that every minute it completely changes. I'm left wanting more of a song but its long gone. This happens constantly.

If pressed, I'd say that Of Montreal is the Beatles taking ecstasy while listening to Marvin Gaye and the Cure, with a poster of Bowie in the background.

Maybe you should just listen to a song. "ID engager" is from the new album. It uses the phrase "phallocentric tyranny" and has a great chorus- "I can't help it if its true, don't want to be your man, just want to play with you". There's always some great lyrics... another favorite from the new one is "...a freaky permutation, something like Voltron". There was a Robocop line in the last one.

I can tell you I think its a bunch of beautiful music and seriously messed up lyrics rolled up into one. If you can handle the oozing sexuality of it (and for some weird reason I can) then I think you will see what I mean.

If you want to play it safe, but are intrigued, check out their previous effort, "Hissing Fauna You Are The Destroyer". It's less sex-filled- but perhaps even better. Look for "Bunny ain't no kind of rider". The problem with it is that I have completely and utterly worn it out.

Iphone Review 10/10

Holy crap. If you have the means, go buy one. I could complain about battery life, but I guess if I could leave the thing alone for 5 minutes I would have more.

It is as advertised. Hell, it's better.

If I had to be critical- they sell it without any sort of protective case and just looking at it causes it to have fingerprints on it. Go ahead and expect that you'll be buying a case for it. Also you are forced to use AT&T with it, and here in Birmingham AT&T sucks balls.

It's true. They do.

Other than that, completely and utterly amazed. It says a lot about an electronic device when my 75 year old father can hold it, play with it, and completely understand why it's great. He thinks it runs on magic and muttered something about how he never thought this would be possible. The GPS feature, which located his house, almost caused him to pass out.

Most of the time when I bring a new toy over for him to check out, he expresses mild interest and then asks how much it costs. When I told him how much I paid for the iphone, he thought that was a deal. I'm not sure I've ever heard him say that.

So there. Iphone- father approved.

Emo Blues

Wow I need to stop taking mescaline and listening to the new Of Montreal album.

I know what'll fix my blues- I'll buy an iphone today.

I'm cracking my sweet love (angst blog)

I don't know why, but lately I've felt completely off. It was even there on vacation. Just kind of out of sync. Seeing the world move and gyrate and being one second late to that critical moment- saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Nothing feels right lately. I thought a week off would correct my spin- but it hasn't.

So I'm left wondering what it is. I start addressing other problems. I stay in on nights I typically go out. And I drink alone. The world moves and gyrates while I try to stand still. I try to perceive that line I'm supposed to follow. Cause right now, this doesn't feel like it. It feels like I stepped into something and I can't quite clean it off my shoe.

It's like immediately I don't care about all the things I thought I care about. My work has been listless. Going through the minimal motions. Not enjoying it, even though I know I should. I worked for 8 years to get here- and lately it just feels wrong. I'm reading this book about pattern recognition. It's all about these people who obsess over "the footage" that's posted on the internet- fretting over every release, trying to piece it together. Is it a narrative, or just a disconnected stream of video? Is the person releasing it to toy with people, or is part of the artistic vision the way its being released?

I feel connected to that, and nothing else.

Insanity, I tell you.

As of today, I have been blogging here for one entire calendar year. I am celebrating with the bold and innovative redesign you are likely not seeing because you use a feed reader.

I am as surprised as you are.

I'm not sure I've yet done with this what I wanted, but I love having an outlet for my brain. And I am very happy/honored/thankful to have people who I know and people I don't who read and sometimes enjoy it.

If you see me out and say that you've read this message, then I will purchase you an alcoholic beverage of your choice (within reason, scotch lovers). I realize that might be impossible for some of you- in that case just file this away in the back of your mind and next time you see me remind me and its yours.

Thanks again for reading. I am known to be slightly, occasionally sarcastic but I say this with love.

chris.

Fragile City Stories

I was going to write about vacation. And maybe I will eventually. But this past week has reminded me of a city I both love and hate, and I want to write about it.

I went to New Orleans when I was 5 to visit my aunt and uncle. I clearly remember him taking me to the levee. I remember that (and for some reason the layout of his house) because I was completely terrified by the levee. He held me up and I could see that water was ABOVE US. My parents later told me I was a mess for hours after that. I just remember that singular moment of terror- and it stuck with me for a long time. In fact I'm still a little scared of water for that very reason. It's primal- we don't belong in that shit. Things that eat us do. I love teasing a friend about his fear of sharks- but the truth is they terrify me as well. I'm just rational about it.

I've been to New Orleans probably 15 times in my life. A wing of my family settled there, and I'm a sucker for free places to stay. I've been 3 times since Katrina. And as detailed in the past, I check on the city when I'm there. I have certain places I go every time, just to see how they are. I don't know why I care- in college I once famously said I'd never go back there...but that was after a rough Mardi Gras that now is almost a fond memory.

So this week, a large portion of that wing of my family has relocated to Birmingham to wait out the storm. Well that's not true- they were coming up anyways for Labor Day, and are still here. They're waiting on the mayor to tell them its ok to come home. And power. They kind of want power in their house. Yesterday my cousin came over to use her laptop (parents are not wireless, but at least they aren't dial-up). She said something very revealing to me- she kind of wished her house had been destroyed this time. She's sick of it. They stuck to it through Katrina. They went back. They carried on, putting up with all the bullshit. But Gustav might have been it for them- its not that anything happened- its that they had to do this to begin with. I can't imagine psychologically what it must be like to have your home threatened like this. I don't consider New Orleans a home- but after Birmingham in some ways it is. It's certainly a base of operations for me. And I completely understand my cousin. Fuck it. Get the hell out of there.

In related news, the place I vacated to, Tybee Beach, is facing down Hanna. I have become death, destroyer of cities.

Laziness

I've been far too busy drinking, playing video games, and disc golf to blog about my trip. For now, head on over to flickr for more pics of it. You might have to wade past baby pictures- my relatives from New Orleans are understandably hanging out in the 'ham for the weekend.

outta here

for those curious, I'm going to a place where they lose nuclear weapons

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tybee_Bomb

i'll be back Wednesday. Enjoy working, suckers!

withdrawals

I have plans to go "off the grid" next week. I was going to the beach, but I'm kind of waiting to see what Fay does. If I don't go to the beach I might just drive somewhere crazy far away, look at it, and drive back home. Something that takes 4 days to do and does not involve work is all I'm after.

The plan is no internet and no smokes. We shall see which I cave to first. I'm going to take some empty notebooks and see what goes into them. Lo-tech.

I had this fantastic idea to write a screenplay adaptation of "Enemy Ace" a war comic about a fictional world war one pilot. I had it all planned out. but then i read about "Flyboys". I totally missed it- but its a WWI air war movie. The first one made in 40 years. And it bombed (yuk, yuk) at the box office. So let's just pretend I wrote what's in my head and somebody loved it who had a shit ton of money- would it get made?

Hell no it wouldn't. Fucking Flyboys. Ruining my first good idea in a long time. I want to see it now, the trailer looked awesome to me.

Anyways, Enemy Ace is excellent. DC Comics sells these black and white reprint books- 500 pages of comics for 16 bucks. Worth every penny.

i'll blog and pictoralize when i get back ad nauseum. sayonara.

a brief respite

but capitalism has returned to my blog! click on the ads! oh wait, you read my feed and not actually my site? well i figured out how to put ads there too! if I had my way you'd be surrounded by delicious ads, all giving me pennies when you click on them!

bwahaahahaahaahahahahhaaha!

(I only need $85 more dollars to get a check from google. All proceeds of this blog will be spent on bourbon.)

From the Unintentional Archives...

So for some reason I checked my ancient email address, eurotrashchris(at)hotmail. This was the address I used for my 1.5 month trek across Europe, and generally anything else from 1999-2003. As I was deleting the thousands of spam, I came across a draft message that I never sent. Probably for the best. It's full of young angst and actually a little embarassing. It was to an unnamed girl who's married now (and most of you reading this don't know her).

so i'm in portland. why am i emailing you? cause i'm drunk. and i came home with ben, in hopes of finding a bar thats fucking open on this side of town.

i just walked about 2 miles. no bars. they're all closing. s

o i'm back at casey's. ben's asleep. casey and monica and ethan are downtown.

thats too far to walk, and the whole scene was getting a little too weird.

no energy to explain. i checked my mail, hoping for someone to reply to, no dice.

except my credit card co. fuck them. so i chose you. i dont know why.

i guess cause i know you'll read this. it doesnt matter if you respond.

i don't expect anything from you. or anyone. damn.

its funny, here i am, 2000 miles away, and this is what i'm doing.

its actually by choice, i could have gone back downtown. but its like anywhere else, just a new location.

maybe location isnt the problem. thats a shattering thought. ugh.

the scenery is beautiful. its like a norman rockwell painting.

its nothing like i thought it would be.

i never told you i read your paper you sent me. it was pretty good.

i think you sent it cause here i was sending you all this shit. and i did.

i think i'm going to move to tibet. that would be pretty fine.

somewhere that i don't see or feel the same shit.

i'm sure you're snug in bed, happily sleeping, dreaming about something wonderful while i write all of this.

you're not even aware of me, or the fact i'm sitting in casey's room, typing like crazy, wishing i had drank  a little more so i would have passed out.

so it goes.

so it goes.

i gotta go, theres people coming in, and believe it or not, this shit is quite embarassing

Things I Shouldn't Do Anymore

1. Drink 10 beers on a weeknight

Enough about Braid. Here's a bunch of other nonsense...

Cause I'm boring people with Braid talk. It was amazing in ways non video game people can't understand. It was a lot like Portal- it made me think but wasn't unfair. Everyone should play them both but I realize my powers of video game persuasion fall on deaf ears. All you people with lives and such- I'm doing the dirty work for you. I'm playing through games and telling you about them. I should get a medal.

Two other things are in my field of vision this weekend. Spaced, a Brit comedy reccommended by Phil, is excellent. I've seen the entire first season, and am looking forward to the 2nd. But tonight, that was topped. I just watched the first episode of Generation Kill.

Ok. Imagine a show about Marines kicking ass. Set it in the 2nd gulf war. Get the guys who created and wrote The Wire to adapt it for a seven part series for HBO (which means some great and creative cussing). I am sold.

The Wire guys are also prepping a show that takes place in Nola called Treme. I will be all about that, as well.

I have also acquired the first episode of Hard Knocks but haven't watched it yet. The "inside the NFL training camp" series is always one of my favorites. It's interesting watching these guys fight for that last roster spot. None of them are guaranteed anything. It's good tv.

I also dusted off the Rock Band today and realized that I need to play it more often. I suck. Rock Band 2 is coming soon, and when it does there will be a gathering. One surrounded by football, beer, and Rock Band. Since John is no longer in the state, we're going to have to figure out how to use the grill, though.

Braid

If you have an xbox 360, download this game now. If you don't have an xbox, then I'm very, very sorry.

Metal Karaoke at Speakeasy

DSC_0805, originally uploaded by ditchell.

It was a good time. this guy tore it up. I took a ton of pictures. head over to www.flickr.com\ditchellpics for more.

Open Letter to Neighbor and Coworker

Dear Sir or Ma'am:

I am not interested in your multilevel marketing plan. I also do not want to sell insurance to my friends or family. I am also not interested in the deep discounts access to your product will earn me. Mainly because I think it is complete bullshit.

Thanks,

Chris

falling for it

Well everyone ELSE is talking about it.

At first i scoffed. But it is kind of neat. I really like the whole column view thing. I'm not sure it's as good as google- searching for myself was met with mixed results. It found the same thing many times- something that google doesn't do.

But I do like the idea of someone doing something different with search. Competition is good. And when it IPOs I will be on it like a vulture.


In other news:

Cutting the grass today became an exercise in frustration. My new lawnmower (which proudly says in it "Guaranteed to Start") decided to quit while I was cutting the front. Gas and oil a plenty in it, I am stuck as far as what to do next. Mainly because I don't understand the combustion engine, and have no desire to learn its inner workings. I pay people for that. I'll just load it up in the van and take it to a repairman.

Now where did I park that van? Oh wait, there's this expensive still camera sitting where the van was. Hmm.

I am going to see if it starts tomorrow. Perhaps it was flooded or flurged or some other made up word about engines. If that doesn't happen, I'll place the call. It will go something like this.

"Father, it is time. There is a great disturbance in my yard. The lawnmower requires your attention."

"Yes my son. I shall bring my trailer and my own mower to finish the yard when you aren't even there. I will do a better job than you ever could have, and your neighbors will scoff at you for hiring elderly labor. And I shall take your mower back to my lair where I will dissect it, most likely breaking it beyond repair. Then I shall give you my old mower, and use that as an excuse to go buy a new one that will be superior to yours in every way. It will have headlights and a beverage holder. I will never use or understand any of the new features on it, of course."

I am trying to be funny. But he does have a way with things. He'll come over, look it over, and find that one critical thing that I never knew about and twiddle with it. It's infuriating in a way, but I can tell he likes that.

But it's also my fault. The other day my neighbor let me borrow his power washer. Aside: dude, my driveway is WHITE. When he was showing me how it worked, we were talking about how my garage door is on its last legs, shuddering down the track. he looked over and showed me how ALL the bolts on it were loose. I'm talking really loose. I would have never thought to actually check them.

But the laugh is on him! I tightened the bolts and it still appears to be slowly dying. Maybe something else is loose. I need to attack it with wrenches. I'll do that Eventually.

flickr crazy

I love my new camera. Check out my flickr page. I'm pretty proud of my "return to where I used to go as a kid and its all fucked up now" pictures. Cause they communicate how i felt. I was in complete shock that this nice little park I used to ride my bike to is completely decimated. And nature is slowing swallowing it up. I should have walked around more, tried to get a picture of the pool. But I was really shaken by it.

I went to the Terminal fundraiser show tonight solo. It was OK. I really hope they stay afloat. But as I told the guy behind the site, if I like what you're doing then most of Birmingham probably does not. At some point you have to appeal to the masses, not the 20 people who are at Bottletree every time I go.

I saw some people I knew at Bottletree, but the whole night felt hollow to me. I felt like I was going through the motions- stepping outside my fragile little circle again and observing people like I was watching a nature doc.

Sometimes I do things and I don't fully understand why. I guess going to Bottletree was one of them. The safe bet was hanging with Phil and Wendy and then going to Chad's. But I chose to go alone to a show full of people I barely know. I either have to stop doing that sort of thing, or stop wondering why I do it.

It's not that I had a bad time, it was just odd. This whole week, month, year has been odd. And I'm not sure why.

The Dark Knight

I saw the Dark Knight in IMAX tonight.  The IMAX part was cool, but I want to see it in a ral theatre- at times it was just too much.

But the movie. Some of my friends seemed a little underwhelmed. I don't know if they were watching some other movie. 

I said when I saw Batman Begins that finally somebody who's making these things gets it. Tonight I say that somebody who's making these things is a genius. The characterization of the Joker is so concise- so pitch perfect. I had no love for Ledger, but after seeing this, I'm quite sorry the poor bastard is no longer with us. He nailed it. They all did. There are some nits I could pick- but why bother? It's a great movie. It surprised me in many ways, and I can't wait to see it again. 

The show

Did you see that South Park where Britney Spears blew her head off but the media still followed her every move? And then at the end (sorry to ruin it) they found Miley Cyrus and started following her? Stan's dad was part of the unspoken cabal intent on destroying celebrities.

And I think it's true. I have a friend- Let's call her Misty just to piss her off. Misty has a problem- Misty is obsessed with everything that Amy Winehouse does. And she shares the minutia of "Wino"'s life on google reader. Being one of her friends, I am updated to Wino's every move. Unfortunately Misty also shares some interesting things, so I can't immediately discount her shared items. So here I am, at least once a day, skimming past headlines that are totally concerned with the fact that some drugged out "talent" left a club with a lamp. That was the story the other day. She took a lamp.

Some days, she goes out to get cigarettes. Some days she get's drunk. Or signs an autograph. No matter what she does, I can see in my head the 18 photographers following her around.

That's probably the worst part of this whole business- how do you wake up in the morning and go to work, when your job is to stalk some fucked up celebrity? You have to know in the back of your head that you are the problem with the world. Kind of like somebody who tries to get people to watch something on television by scaring them or telling them that the life of their children depends on it. What do you call those people? Hmm.

At least at my job, I'm not jamming a camera in someone's face.

The next to worst part is the writing of these sites that Misty frequents. It's pure bile. I'm still shocked sometimes by the hatred they have of Wino. It's as if I had to write about pudding all day, and pudding killed my father. That is the tone of the articles. Let me dig up an example..

In this passage, the writer talks about what it would be like to look at Wino's breasts...

I’d say “not a pleasant sight” is a bit of an understatement. It’d be looking at
two scabby fried eggs you found on the ground and then squashed and slid around
on a dirty window. And the scabby fried eggs are attached to the alien from
Predator’s head and the alien is making the tongue-between-the-fingers sign for
cunnilingus and snarling at you through the partition. I’ve had nightmares that
weren’t that hideous. I’m pretty sure hara-kiri is the only respectable choice
for your penis once you’ve seen something like that.

I appreciate some good filth as much as the next guy, and reading this alone might elicit a chuckle from you- but imagine reading this every day. Imagine writing this every day. After a while, it wears on me.

When she dies (which she probably will soon) then I'll have to read hateful critiques of the funeral. And then some guy will blast her choice in caskets. And then some other asshole will talk shit about her gravestone (it should be made of crack! ha!).

You know, I obsess over video games and media and computer shit. And maybe I'm a giant dork. And I need to go to the gym and eat better.

But thank god I'm not one of these people. I'm better than this shit.

a bunch of savages in this town

DSC_0066, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I thnk Casey might have captured what its like to hang out with drunk Lawlesses in one single picture...

Photo picture making

So. How was your week [that's good, Chris. Engage the reader]

Fantastic. I had a good week too. [and now hook them with your trademark self reflection. No other blog is doing this. Cutting Effing Edge, bro.]

I decided to buy a digital camera. Not just any digital camera, but one of those fancy ones. A Nikon D80, to be exact. Now the most obvious question, and quite a good one, is Why?

Unfortunately there's not really an easy answer. In my "professional career" there have been moments of time when I needed a "real" "camera" [Quote marks make you look smart and are almost never ridiculed for being used in the wrong place]. But those odd times don't necessitate owning one- just knowing who to call on when you need one.

But there's another factor at play here. One I've been toying with during the early part of this very blog. My ego.

I got one. And when I see something creative it never fails that a small part of my brain says "I can do that."

So I bought a camera. I'm reading about f/stops and ISO. And either I'm going to "do that" or I can't. But I need a challenge. I've obviously conquered the "way too old to play Call of Duty on a Saturday morning" challenge. And fortunately for a certain TV station, I'm obviously the shit when it comes to writing and producing. [ I wonder if sarcasm comes across in this medium?]

So let's see what I can do with stillz. Maybe nothing. Maybe I'll just have a kickass camera I use every now and then. Maybe I'll annoy the shit out of you talking about lenses I want. [and there are lenses I want, dear reader]

But whatever. It's something new. I gotta have new things. I gotta either fail or succeed. But I need to try. I have to. Just wait til I get the equipment for my concept album. [whew. they probably think I'm joking]

new camera again

DSC_0022, originally uploaded by ditchell.

don't leave your new camera alone with Lawlesses.

rampant consumerism unchecked

Oh yes.

doolittle, chainsaws, and long rakes

Video game talk. Run.

If you know me, you know I am a big fan of Rock Band. Tonight, I played Doolittle by the Pixies.

The entire album. In a game.

I can honestly say its one of those video gaming benchmarks for me. Here's an album I've been listening to for 15 years, I know every word and every sound on it. Getting to interact with it is a truly beautiful experience. One can level many criticisms at music games' lack of reality- and choosing between five colored buttons instead of a fret board is a clear dumbing-down of the process. But in its rawest form, the act of causing Joey Santiago's guitar to play or not based on my input- well its damn fun. I've thought of all of this before- but sitting down and playing a complete album really makes it special.

I can't wait to have some of the crew over who love this album too. I can't wait to screech into the mike "cookie I think your TAAAAAAAAME!". I want to play the bass on every song- guitar is fantastic but there's so many bass lines.

And I haven't even thought about drums.

Guitar Hero: World Tour is coming up. It has an alledgedly better drumkit and the sweet nectar of user created songs (no vocals for obvious reasons). But tonight reminded me that Harmonix (the original Guitar Hero creators who moved on the Rock Band) still have a leg up on the newer publishers of Guitar Hero (Neversoft, who previously did Tony Hawk games. Seriously). If you play Guitar Hero 3 and play Rock band you can just feel the difference. Rock Band was created by people who love music and know music. Guitar Hero 3 (and the upcoming Aerosmith and World Tour) were created by people who used to make skateboard games and now want to make money.

Speaking of money, Guitar Hero World Tour would require me to own 2 (!) fake drum sets. Fortunately I have guitars that will work with it. I don't know if the mike will work with it or not. My plan is this- let it come out and see what the user generated content comes up with. If it's robust, then its a consideration. The unknown factor at this point is how Rock Band will respond. I have a feeling they will answer loudly. They also will most likely allow all the songs I've bought to carry over to the next game.

These things are becoming platforms inside of platforms.

End video game talk.

I've been going to the gym. I am sore in the appropriate places. It feels good. I took tonight off and instead attempted to clean the roof of my shed in the back yard. I duct taped a rake to a long branch to scrape the roof of the leaves and dirt that have collected there. It worked. Sort of. But the funny thing was, there were growing plants up there. Perhaps I should do that more often. I am going to have to devise a more stable Long Rake for future endeavors. On the main roof of the shed I merely succeeded in pushing the loam to the rear of the roof. A couple of my most energetic thrusts (yeah, that one's free folks) resulted in the ladder slightly shifting. Not a good prospect when you're 12 feet in the air. So that- and thunder- ended my pitched roof battle. heh.

Oh and Sunday I got to use my new chainsaw. It is, as I expected, the most fun you can have with a power tool. Especially after cutting down things with loppers and a hand saw. It's almost effortless, and I get a kick out of the arterialesque spray of wood from the small trees I felled. Yeah, I'm into that. Sue me. The yard is a constant battle. Any of you with houses know this. I walk out to get the mail and I can spot about 15 things I want to do. And just looking in the back triggers all sorts of nagging reminders. The weird thing is, part of me wonders why I am so (albeit mildly) obsessed about my yard. I used to look oddly at my father when he would spend hours on his day off in the yard doing all sorts inconsequetial things. But now that I'm older, I guess I get it. It's just like anything else- it can consume you. Sometimes you need something like that to forget about all the crap you have to do at work, or the various other ruts you have dug for yourself.

I'm down with that.

last week

here's what i did at work last week. i'm quite happy with it

bravado

Well. My bravado regarding the spaying of Maeby has most definitely subsided. I took her in this morning, and picked her up after work. She's... worn out. And unlike when my boy cats got fixed, when I saw the incision I gasped. They GO IN there. And remove things.

I'm feeling quite guilty about the whole thing right now. But I guess it's natural. As long as there aren't any complications, everything should turn out ok. But seriously, it's a big ass cut.

She's moping by my feet right now. The doc suggested I isolate her for a night and let her rest. I went downstairs and watched some TV. When I came back up, somehow she'd gotten in my computer chair. Considering how incredibly sore she is, it must have been a feat. It would be like... well shit. I can't actually relate to what it would be like. I bet it hurt.

I'm thinking about taking the chair out of the room tonight.

So instead of going out on a friday night, I'm drinking bourbon and feeling like shit because I got my cat spayed.

This is living.

chop chop

my tiny little furball of biting scratching thumbtack hating misery is getting spayed tomorrow. she is currently unaware of her plight. despite the lunacy of it- i kind of feel for her. she's going to have a traumatic day. i actually scheduled it on a friday so i could hang with her tomorrow nite and make sure she's ok. it's weird how ten years ago i'd be repulsed at the concept of staying in to care for an animal, and i'm kind of looking forward to watching some Mad Men and making sure the cats don't kill each other.

1999

some of us were making short films about unrequited love.

heat

So. My adorable, almost six month old cat Maeby is feelin' frisky. I think. She goes into the center of the house, making sure that all can hear her, and lets out this...yowl that sounds like she's being stepped on by Nazis. The first five times she did this, I rushed to her anticipating her impeding death. 

But now I know. The vet told me I had six months. But Maeby had a different time table. The worst thing about it is that there's nothing I can do. It's best to wait for her to die down before we go in and chop those ovaries. And much like my experience with my male cat, Koba, I can't wait to chop em off. 

Koba was the first cat I had ever been around longer than a couple of hours. He and his brother Otto were (and still are) awesome, badass cats.  When we first got them, I recoiled at the thought of chopping their balls off. As soon as they started spraying everything in sight, I changed my mind. And just like them, Maeby's time has come. 

The funny thing is Koba hates her more than usual now. I think he's kind of upset there's a girl who's good to go and he can't do anything about it. Sorry fella- you're the one who peed on my stereo seven years ago. 

I had some more reader feedback on the blog. It was suggested I spend less time on cars, and more on delicious yardwork. Well I have little to report, other than a perilous oil change for the lawnmower. But that will change. Because sitting on my couch is an 18" chainsaw. I call it ChainMaster X. Well not really. I just made that up. But when the weather's nice and I get a chance to read the manual, there's going to be a culling. If you're a small tree in my backyard, and you somehow can read these words, then know that they are the harbinger your doom. 

More stories

No not the good kind of stories. The kind you write at work.

Here's my story about our new News set!
http://www.cbs42.com/news/local/19721479.html

Complete with pictures of my coworkers with sledgehammers.

It's Promoterrific!

Writin'

I wrote an article for CBS 42's website. Have a read- I'm pretty happy with it.

http://www.cbs42.com/green/19505484.html

Watching too much Top Gear has made me think I can review cars

let go

I had a good weekend. I just sort of let go of all the angstitude and concentrated on the moment. I got some reader feedback that my blog reads like a gossip column. I take reader feedback pretty seriously- if you're actually taking the time to read the blog, then I should adjust. So now I will detail how to properly shotgun a beer...

I kid, I kid.

Actually if I were to keep score, then this weekend wasn't that great. But what's the use of that? I'm not even sure what measurement I could use for scorekeeping. World 16000, Ditchell 6. There. That's the running score. But those six points- I earned them. I guess. 

The beerfest was a spectacular clusterfuck from the outside. Once inside it was fine. Post beerfest was an interesting night. It didn't go well but Sunday morning I didn't care. Something washed over me today. Maybe it was that hellish downpour, hail striking my windshield as I went to visit the parents. But I sort of recentered things. Fortunately such an extreme measure did not require peyote. And it wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't say to myself "OK stop this shit."

I just kind of felt it. I don't think anyone will ever be able to tell me how the subconscious mind works- and if they try they are most likely full of shit. 

But what I find interesting about this...whatever it was... is that not too long ago this wouldn't have happened. I feel (perhaps incorrectly) that getting older has mellowed out my brain. In a good way. Less drama and more... sureness? I don't know the words. 

Never mind. It sounds ridiculous. I think its true, but it does sound ridiculous

With all of that out of the way, I give my highest possible musical recommendation to an odd choice- Springsteen's The Seeger Sessions. 

I thought I was too cool for Springsteen. But I'm not.  It's distilled American music. I can't describe it any better. It's wonderful.

mystery theatre

Three Things I Should Have Said At The Time.

1. Despite everything else, your introduction of artichokes to my diet was enlightening.

2. Yeah, I'll go to San Diego with you.

3. I'll miss you even if I don't act like it now.

For some reason- most likely the hangover/lack of sleep, I've been in one of those morose, cynically reflective moods. Nobody can beat you up like yourself- you know where to land all the punches that hurt the most. 

did i just make that up or read it somewhere? either way i'm claiming it. 

the long count, indeed.

The Long Count

I've been semi seriously thinking that December 21, 2012 was the end of it all.

Apparently the disaster has been averted.

Whew!

I do like calling something "The Long Count". That will either be my novel about migrant accountants or my concept album about...migrant accountants.

The Long Count. I really like that. That's a good blog name. It certainly makes more sense than The Exact Smile. You know how I got that name? Two random words in the dictionary. Really. But it kind of clicked at the time. I love the word exact. I like some words that when you say them and type them and write them, they feel right. Exact feels right to me. Smile... well I don't know why I liked that. I guess the idea was that I was capturing a moment- and a smile is a moment. So The Exact Smile is a moment in time- maybe its happy, maybe cynical. I don't know. But its important to notice moments. I've spent most of my life living by this:

since feeling is first
e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
—the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

It's not like I can tell you why, either. It was the first time a poem reached up, slapped me in the face, and made me tear each word apart. I don't expect you to understand or feel the same way. One day I'll tell you if you want to hear it. But I'm not going to impose a verbose explanation on you in this space.

To continue my fascination with social networking, I joined facebook. People have found me on there...people whom I had completely forgotten about. It's very strange to see someone 20 years later.

I also found a girl I dated. I haven't seen her in 10 years. She's happily Mommed up now with a cute kid. It is oddly satisfying to me to see that she's doing well. Someone who I have probably thought about a handful of times in the last 12 years. But its all good.

I look forward to seeing what other denizens turn up on there. It's a certain kind of person (that I am unfortunately one of) that wants to see how it turned out, I guess.

wholly a fool,
cm

after after math

drunk blogging. wow. need to cut that out immediately.

I thought about explaining what the hell that was about. I even wrote it out. But I've decided that's best left unposted. Not because I don't like you, gentle reader. But because I'm not sure I want to be absolutely brutally honest. I see no benefit in it. As some sort of writer, I love the act of typing it in. And reading it a day later, it's honestly not too bad. But I'm flushing it. Sorry. Don't take it personally.

you don't come here for my pathetic social life- you come here for random nonsense!

let's talk about... Mario!

I had my first brush with Super Mario Galaxy tonight. I played for about 45 minutes, and at the end of that time, I realized that I was dizzy. It was a welcome break from GTA, but I just don't know about it. I think I may have moved on from Mario games. At no time could I drive down a sidewalk, ending lives with abandon. And there was never any place to buy guns.

Busy week.
Sweeps ends Wednesday. Thursday I'm giving away a car (in Jasper, of course). Saturday I'm destroying a set, going to a wedding, and then going back to destroying a set. I hope at some point to drink myself silly. I'm already planning on Sunday being my day of rest, and then Monday will be a continuation of Sunday.

What else, what else. I worked the Regions Charity Classic yesterday. I got sunburned and gave out water bottles to all who walked by. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either.

So I'm going to be busy. And after recent events, I welcome it.

Dear Sir:

You are a ****-*****ing ************. Seriously, the girl and i are connecting, dancing, having fun. And you just won't go to your apartment. Go, ***********, go. Please.

And now I come home, just like you. Sleep well, ************.

i say goddamn.

D'accord!

Just had it checked out by a mechanic. Need to spend about $150 on it, but since I'm getting a good deal I'll do that in a couple of weeks. I'll probably write wayyyyy too much about it later, but here it is, on the lot.

never mind about that baja.

the warm embrace of the Honda Accord is calling. I've killed two of its bretheren, but it cannot be deterred. And despite my Subaru flirtation of yesterday, it welcomes me back.

the monthlong car dance is ending. it's the last night before we all go our seperate ways and i stop bookmarking 10 car sites. and AC will flow as i drive into that golden sunset.

adieu, adieu, adieu

is the car search over?

maybe.

edit: according to the epa, it gets 16mpg city, 21 highway. and requires premium gas.
i don't know. i don't know.

nola stage 3

so i'm in New Orleans for a wedding. First, let me say that these people know how to throw a wedding. I'm hopelessly, sloppy liquor drunk right now and stuffed full of exotic foods they just bring to your table. its no wonder everyone down here weighs 400 pounds. i had more jambalaya and gumbo than you ate last year- unless you really like those two foods. and shrimp. just shrimp everywhere. a shrimplosion.

i did some drive-bys of the streets I visited 4 months after Katrina (and then 1 year later). While there's still those head-scratching instances of "will they ever clean that shit up?" there's definately...progress. It doesn't feel quite as bad as it did my last visits- and shit, it's been almost 3 years so it shouldn't. But driving in, you still see houses where the owner said "screw it".

Of course, truth be told, I would have never lived in this god forsaken place. It's not that I hate it, but its just off. It smells funny. It's dirty. And the people are strange. They pride themselves on being the "European City of America." I call BS. I drive down the Causeway and I see
AMERICA. I see Center Point. I see suburban LA. It's all the same. Strip malls starbucks walmarts home depots mcdonalds. Don't kid yourselves, New Orleans. Sure the French Quarter is very European, but nobody actually goes down there who lives here. It's kind of like Vulcan. Do you ever go to Vulcan? Hell no you don't.

I'm trying to decide if I'm driving back tomorrow. There's jazz fest going on, but I'm not sure I want to get in the middle of it. I swore off festivals unless Led Zeppelin and the zombie Beatles are playing.

Before I leave, I'll drive through the 9th ward again. I did that as I left last year- and it was absolutely stunning. Over here in Metarie, there was some bad stuff- but the 9th ward was what you saw on the news. And last year- 1.5 years after it hit- it was one of the most striking things I've ever seen. I'm curious what it looks like now.

My father loaned me his car to drive down here. I resisted at first but the idea of delicious AC was too tempting. And driving down here (in 5.5 hours through rush hour- go ahead and try to beat that) was glorious. His car not only keeps you comfortable, when it hits a bump you don't go flying out of your seat. Also you don't have to hit the radio to make the front speakers work. I did miss that part. The point being- I need some wheels. I have the cash, now its just a matter of finding something. And I think at last count I had "settled" on about 15 different cars before researching my way out of wanting them. I'm sure you can draw some overarching conclusion about my entire personality when I admit that I have a tough time settling on things. Go ahead, I'll wait for you....

Anyways, I need a car. I remember when a friend of mine got a perfectly average little car. I snorted and said something about how PLAIN it was. I regret that. Because the more I look for a car with "personality" the more I realize that those cars aren't that reliable or have some problem or something.

ugh.

long blog. thank god for free hotel internet.

oh sweet GTA, I'm coming home soon.

GTA IV

I purchased GTA IV at 12 midnight last night, and at 12:07 I started playing it.

Unfortunately, that means that blogging will be at a limited pace for a little bit while I work this game over.

Please check back in a week and I'll have too many words to say about it in this space.

c

Cars.

Ok. I've spent the better part of the last two weeks pouring over Consumer Reports, Edmunds, and countless other sites- the Xb Owner's Club, Fitfreak.com, and multiple Prius sites.

And I'm sick of it.

Most of this was academic. I was getting a 03-04 Inifiniti g35 coupe. They are gorgeous, and can be found in a price that is high, but I can deal with for such a badass car. And then I read about the brake problems. Do I want to get new brakes twice a year? And don't think its isolated. Google it. It's all over. Screw that.

Today I drove a Acura TL (something was wrong with it- the salesman swore it was just the tires). It was big and roomy and 3K cheaper than it should have been. Warning sign. Then I drove a Volvo S60. I actually liked it quite a bit. But it's big. Real big. and a little readout in the dash proudly proclaimed 18.1 MPG! No. I'm currently getting 13 MPG. I am done with that.

So then I went and looked elsewhere. I thought the smaller Volvo, the S40, would be good. And it might be. But I've read too many posts about how unreliable they are. So I came home, and realized I did want a smaller car. So I went back out. To Tameron Honda. After explaining to Brian, my salesperson, that I was not buying a car that day, I jumped in a Honda Fit. It's a go-kart. Loved it. Gets 33 MPG. Plenty of headroom. Legroom is there, but not fantastic. It's small so elbows might get rubbed if i was carrying people around- but honestly most of the time in my car its just me. Perfect!

I get back to the dealership and Brian wants to run some numbers. Sure, I'll indulge you Brian. I get them, and they are really high. I kind of chuckle and politely explain how I'm going to finance the car myself at a lower interest rate and tax deductable. Can you beat that? Why of course we can. We just need your SSN. Oh and sign here saying you'll buy the car.

Excuse me? Really, Brian? After our long talk about salesmen bullshit as I drove the fit around, you're going to ask me to commit to buying this car?

Sigh. I understand people have to work for a living. But I got no sympathy for you, Brian. Go back to insurance. I can't wait for that inevitable follow-up call where he tries to guilt me into buying a car. Cause before all of this, I actually gave him my number. Yeah man, let me know when that black one gets in, I'll come check it out. But you screwed up, man. Cause there's no way I'm buying from you. Or any of these dealerships. I can't handle it. This is not Glengarry Glenross and I am not some elderly couple.

And besides- I get home thinking that the Fit was pretty sweet for a little pea shooter and I read about the all new/all better 2009 Fit. Coming this fall.

So its probably off the list. And I can't wait til fall. I want to drive a Saturn Astra, a Mazda 3, and maybe an older Audi A3 if i can find one thats automatic.

But now I'm also thinking of buying something really cheap. Screw this whole business. I don't have time for it. I'm not going to the gym. I'm not sleeping as much cause I'm sitting here researching cars. Its not killing me, but its making me miserable. Partially thats my fault. When I get into something- I do not mess around. I have got to resolve this.

So I'm thinking NOW that I spend much less than I want to. Maybe get a manual transmission. I'm sick of everyone telling me that I'll get tired of shifting. And if they're right, I don't have a lot of money in the car.

Or, god help me, I ride this GMC monster down the non air conditioned twilight of its years. with only the erratic Anti-lock brake light to keep me company. Sure when you see me I might be sweaty, but that will make up for missing the gym.

The crazy thing is that I'm starting to get very shallow about driving it. It has actually occurred to me as I pass by a moderately cute girl "What does she think of me in this van?" I've never had that sort of thought in my life. I also hate its lack of anonymity. I'll see acquaintances and they'll say to me "Saw you were still at the bar pretty late last night!" You know why they knew I was there? Because I'm driving a giant effing van.

I gotta go. Craigslist's parade of cheap, old cars isn't going to read itself.


Please note: I recognize how incredibly insignificant and ridiculous my complaints are if compared to virtually any other problem you or the citizens of an African nation are facing. If this disconnect with reality concerns you, I suppose you should take my blog as the simplistic inane drivel that it is and nothing more.

down from the ledge

So I went and drove a BMW 330i at lunch today. Let me explain this is very clear terms- it is the finest automobile I've driven. It screams. It purrs. It is everything that the reviews said it was.

And I'm not buying it.

Because after work, I drove a Scion xB. It has no pickup, no feel for the road, and looks like a minature version of the van I'm currently driving. But what it does have, is a 13K price tag. The BMW clocked in at 23.5K.

Logic hit me about an hour ago. I'm test driving the xB with a saleslady, who's wants me to buy it AT THAT VERY MOMENT. Despite her yipping, I notice that I liked it more than I thought I would. I have always liked the looks of them- but the inside is just as nice. Big and roomy, moreso than you think, and thoughtfully put together. It's different- but not TOO different. It's still a Toyota under that boxy shape.

My next task is securing credit and then I'll begin looking in earnest. But the concept of getting a car that I can pay off in 2 or 3 years is very appealing to me. And despite- and I swear to you I am not being my usual hyperbolic self- the fact that the BMW is fucking awesome, I can be happy in the Scion.

This could all change tomorrow. But today, I think I'm making sense.

Dammit.


edit: it did all change. but i'm trying to stay reasonable. maybe.

it wins

i stand in complete awe of The World's Hardest Game. It's just a little web based flash game. Turn down the speakers. Go ahead. I'll wait for you.

Yeah. Wow. I wonder what the other 28 levels are like.

I spent a healthy portion of today looking at cars. I slobbered over an Infiniti G35, FX45, and (oddly) a Honda Fit.

It's kind of scary that while it doesn't make a ton of sense, I could probably afford an Infiniti. An 4 year old one, before you start thinking I'm loaded over here. But still- not too long ago I never thought I'd have a house and a nice car. Really. I thought I'd be living in a rathole in Southside, typing in banners for the newscast on the weekends. And for a while, that's what I did. I wanted more, and now by some messed up circumstance, I kind of have it. Now before we get too excited, my meager little existence is full of monetary boundaries and obligations of a soul-crushing nature. But looking at these cars today- cars that I seriously never thought I would get a whiff of- it felt kinda good.

With that said, the sensible options are a Honda Fit or a Subaru Forester- both have excellent reviews and I could buy a Fit with the money that's in my couch right now. Yes, it's tiny, but inside it's actually rather roomy. More roomy than a Volkswagen GTI. I felt like I was going to the gynecologist when I got in that thing. And I've never been before. But I hear it's like that.

I'm going to take my time looking and saving up a little more scratch for the down payment. I'd love to find a steal somewhere so I can get the damn thing paid off as soon as possible. But days like today, with that extra hint of heat, remind me that I have to get out of that damned van. Sooner rather than later.

So I have the age old battle of practicality, voiced by the 109 horsepower Honda Fit (or the equally banal Subaru Forester, versus the 280 horsepower Infiniti G35 coupe. Now the Honda will be newer, definately a better service record, and substantially better fuel economy. The Infiniti will destroy everything in its wake with a hypersonic boom, stopping only to pay tickets, guzzle gas and stand around looking like a badass.

I think I know which one I'm getting. What do you think?

New Music and New Soreness

Day 2 of the gym leaves me actually feeling pretty good. Sore, but good. I lifted some weights tonight- they were surprisingly heavy. I feel- I don't know- more energetic? better. Definitely better. I'm going back tomorrow- I'm pretty much going to go until my body tells me I need to take a break. Except Thursday- that day the disc golf course beckons.

Let's try something different. I acquired some new music and tried to listen to most of it in the last 24 hours. Here are some quick thoughts.

Panda Bear/Person Pitch. The Beach Boys on acid. Well, more acid. How did I miss this? It made all the top ten lists from last year. And I love it. I listened to it twice today. I'm not going to say its for everybody- and I know the guy is from Animal Collective which has never done much for me- but this is very melodic and "m.wardy". I just made up that word.

REM/Accelerate. Surprisingly not bad. The promise of a more rocking REM album is definitely fulfilled. I expected this to be a 1 listen then banish to the dusty REM folder, but I will leave it in the rotation for a while.

The Sword/Gods of the Earth. I loved the first album for its unabashed slow grind metal feel. In an admittedly abbreviated review, the 2nd album appears to follow the same formula, but not in a way that makes me think it's stale. The jury is still out.

Nada Surf/Lucky. 2 years ago Nada Surf surprised me with the excellent "The Weight is a Gift". A quick spin around last years "Lucky" seems to follow that same track. Nada Surf is not a band I go around preaching about, but they grow on you. So far so good.

Metallica/Master of Puppets. It holds up. God, I love their instrumental songs.

Of Montreal/Satanic Panic in the Attic/The Sundlandic Twins. As my music pal will attest, I have yet to grow tired of "Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer" by Of Montreal. That album has completely taken over my ipod. Even though I listened to a ton of music today, I still listened to this entire album. Its absolutely brilliant. So I went back and am in the process of checking out the 2 albums before it. Sort of like when I heard Yankee Hotel Foxtrot I went back and got Summerteeth and Being There. And the analogy is apt- the earlier Of Montreal sounds very basic compared to "Hissing Fauna". I haven't touched Sundlandic Twins yet, but Satanic is very tame to me. Not bad, but tame.

Acquired but not listened to is the new Sun Kil Moon. I loved "Ghosts" and I hear good things.

Others still in heavy rotation are the new Raconteurs and Black Keys. Both are fantastic.

But seriously, get a hold of "Hissing Fauna". It will kick your ass.

work and sweat

So it's back to work this week. May sweeps is a mere week and a half away and already the hysteria has begun. For a variety of reasons I have decided to begin the long treacherous road to not being lazy. Today for the first time in a month I went to the gym after work. All I did was elliptical, but it could have been the elliptical of Satan. I won't bore you with my daily pursuit of some sort of health, but I did want to publicly shame myself into going more frequently. So consider me shamed.

I'm taking a brief break from posting Europe pics. There's entirely too many of them. I'm going to have to cull a little bit and determine which ones to post next.

That's about it. I expected work to be rough after essentially being off for 2 weeks, but surprisingly things seem to be humming along without me. Maybe they'll replace me with an intern.

One last thing: check this out.
Beautiful.

Maeby chases a laser

This is how you wear out a kitty cat before bedtime.

stvitus1

stvitus1, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I'm going to be adding Europe pics to flickr from now until the end of 2012. I'm trying to do at least 10 a day so check flickr whenever you need a fix. Now I have a scanner, no nook and/or cranny of my past is safe from flickr-ing.

You got some good blog this week. Don't get spoiled by it. Act like you've been there. Stop embarrassing me. Thank you, goodnight.

Day 2 and 3

Day 2 begins with us back in the courtroom. Endless questions- have you ever been involved in a criminal case? Half the room raises their hands, and we get to hear brief details about their cases. It sounds interesting, but actually its not.

My jury girlfriend (number 2) seated next to me is fidgety. We are talking now so she will occasionally lean over and ask me things like "are we getting a break?". As if I somehow possess this knowledge and am keeping it from her. Eventually the lawyers need to argue about something, and that sends 50 of us into a room designed for 12 people. I end up across the room from her, talking to a judge who was on jury duty. She falls asleep standing up. Very impressive. I talk to the judge- he says they'll keep us in here for 5 minutes and we'll then be released. We stay in there for 40 minutes.

We're not back out there very long when we get herded back into the room. This time she and I talk a little, but i mostly read. By this time I'm irritable and sick of my jury girlfriend and jury duty in general. I _know_ I'm not being chosen for this trial. When I mentioned the TV station, I could see all their little lawyer pens scribbling madly. After another wait, we are finally weeded out. My girlfriend and I are the first row to go. We walk back across the street to the jury room. One of my mistakes in my bored analysis of her was that I assumed she wouldn't be intelligent. Perhaps that says more about my views on women. Nah, it doesn't. I know plenty of smart women. I just didnt think she was one of them. We return to the relative comfort of the jury room. Jury girlfriend #1 is curled up asleep in her chair. Small people- they can do that. They can sleep in chairs like they are beds. Damn them. I slip into my seat, JG #2 into hers, but closer. Cause now I have a stable of ho's. I'm the pimp of the jury room. But then I see a different reporter walking by and hop up to go talk to him. Sewer stuff, of course. We have a smoke, he complains about work, I explain to him that other than boringness, jury duty is ok. He leaves, I go back in. And then it happened. My pimp status is revoked. Scary moustache guy, who had been with us in the coutroom but on the other side, has taken my seat. my pimp seat. Comically, as I'm walking back to my seat, jury girlfriend #2 runs to the bathroom, as if ashamed that this old moustache guy would dare try to fill my shoes. I move down further in my row, no longer in the safe confines of the column. I get a knowing look from jury girlfriend #1. She's not happy with the situation.

But the magic then happens. Jury girlfriend #2 spurns the moustached infidel, and sits next to me. It's not often you get little wins in your imaginary jury duty pimp game, but that was it. Moustache could have my older girlfriend- I will take The Most Beautiful Girl in the Whole Wide Jury Duty Room, thank you very much. I finish 1984 with satisfaction. She and I discuss banal stuff- none of it matters. Cause Moustache keeps sneaking glances at her and to my endless delight she catches him. Too funny. We are then freed for the day.

Day 3

I get there late and she is already surrounded with suitors so I slip in on the row behind her. She immediately turns around and says hey. I'd had the night to realize that I needed to pull it back. It was fun, but I'm sorry, I gotta move on. You're cute, but it'll never work. It's not you, its me. But she was having none of that. First of all, she's wearing a shirt with holes in it. You know like a sweater but thinner. I'm not going to dwell on that, but let's all agree that it was appropriate for attracting jury duty boyfriends. Secondly, she apparently had a long discussion with her husband about me and they decided that it was ok for her to be friendly to me. No, I don't know any of that. But it seemed different. Less guarded. I had to tell her all about my work and listen politely to hers. But it was ok. Because the growing sentiment in the room is that jury duty was about to end for most of us.

And so it did. Being a "m" I went first. Then she followed. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I'll never forget my imaginary jury duty girlfriend.

Wait that's too dramatic. I might forget her. She was, however, the living embodiment of the whole experience- fun to look at and talk to, but ultimately a thankfully short diversion from reality. Reality Duty was this week- new lawnmower, gutters, and brakes. That's what I've been doing. Next week, the assault on May begins. It's going to be a hectic month and a half at work, and I'm sort of looking forward to it. I'm ready to occupy my brain with something other than imaginary girlfriends and the futility of spending 500 bucks on a car I desperately want to drive off a ravine.

It's my duty to please that jury Day 1

So I had jury duty. Day 1. Wake up earlier than normal. Freak out because I can't find my summons (later, they appeared underneath my computer desk). I get there at 7:45, but I don't actually have to be there til 8:30. The room is cavernous, and comfortable. I choose a seat behind a giant column. My jury duty girlfriend #1 sits next to me. Her name is Amanda. She is 50, but surprisingly attractive. Tiny and secure in herself. She reads with interest a copy of Scuba World magazine, I re-read 1984. It's the copy I bought in high school, full of highlights, underlines. I talk to Amanda after she falls asleep on my shoulder.

Plenty of waiting. We are released for lunch. I go to Lynn Park to read Orwell. I see one of our reporters, who can't figure out why I come all the way downtown to read in the Park. Back in the jury room, I notice The Most Beautiful Girl In The Whole Wide Room. She is sitting a row in front of me, 5 seats over. Now let's be clear- the selection of attractive women on jury duty at any given time is attrocious. So her title, as bestowed in Upper Case, is specious at best. But in between my Orwellian reveries, I'm interested in her, from a purely Puritanical perspective. My mind never quits. I wish to God it did sometimes, but it doesn't. When I am stuck in a room, with nothing but time on my hands, and you are an attractive medical technicitian sitting on the row in front of me, then I might concoct your life story. I won't share it, but I will say that I wasn't far off. Anyways, Amanda gets called to a trial, but me and Mystery Girl are still there. Eventually we both get called. When you are in a trial, they seat you alphabetically. As I almost expected, I end up sitting next to her. The first thing I learn (because I'm a boy and we notice these things) is that she is happily married. And that was fine. She was merely a diversion- something to pass the time. Because listening to 48 people answer questions about various possible biases is fucking BORING. Figuring out what makes The Most Beautiful Girl in The Whole Wide Courtroom tick- now that is interesting. And since it is bad form to read a book whilst being questioned I had nothing better to do.

So what did I learn on day one?

She's attractive. No doubt about it. Probably 26 or so. From a small town outside of Birmingham. Scared shitless about being in court. Her entire little suburban world was totally upset by this week of inconvienience. She and her husband carpool to work. They only have 1 car. They are childless, and staunch Christians.

5:30 rolls around and I am released.
(note: I never said this was interesting, just long.)

Europe Pics

london-wa1, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I'm slowly uploading all my Europe pics to flickr. It's only been 8 years...

check them out at www.flickr.com/ditchellpics