The List of Boringness, pt 2

1. Address the leak in the kitchen drain.
If by address, I meant "put a bucket underneath it, then I'll say this is complete
2. Rake an assload of leaves
Raked. That sucked.
3. Re-route bedroom cable to remove midnight tripping device
This is pure trouble. the place I need to run it is above a vent. Still working on this one.
4. Take the cat to the vet.
I love my cat but trying to get him in a cat carrier turns him into a ferocious animal. Pass.
5. Pay someone to fix the gutter
I think I'm just going to rip that thing off the house. Gutters are for wusses.
6. Work out at least 3 days
Surprisingly, done.
7. Play more Rock Band
Most definately done. I'm up to "medium" on drums.

Redirection

Last night I registered ditchell.com

Currently, it redirects to here. I'm still trying to figure out the whole hosting thing so it might stay that way for a while.

I am beginning another week off. Here are my goals (stated publicly so I can feel the hot stench of shame at not completing them)

1. Address the leak in the kitchen drain.
2. Rake an assload of leaves
3. Re-route bedroom cable to remove midnight tripping device
4. Take the cat to the vet.
5. Pay someone to fix the gutter
6. Work out at least 3 days
7. Play more Rock Band


edit: Goal 7 completed

another reason i love radiohead

from this NYT article....

For “All I Need,” Mr. Greenwood said, he wanted to recapture the white noise generated by a band playing loudly in a room, when “all this chaos kicks up.” That sound never materializes in the more analytical confines of a studio. His solution was to have a string section, and his own overdubbed violas, sustaining every note of the scale, blanketing the frequencies.

I work for free

So I'm very excited that I have a new, non-paying job. The Escapist put out the call for reviewers, and I answered. So they are sending me a game. I play the game. I write a review. And I don't get paid. I hope they realize that by mentioning them in my blog, all 8 of you might go to their site. Hopefully they got that new server installed.

Normally I would scoff at such things. But the opportunity to do some critical thinking about something that I'm dorkily passionate about- I can't pass that up. And the game I'm getting sounds very interesting.

When I post a review I'll let you know.

Oh and the highlight of The Escapist is Zero Punctuation. As long as you can handle some harsh language, this guy is genius.

Monthly Feature: Ads

November's haul? $2.28

deep breath

so sweeps is over in 45 minutes. Thank God.

We did well. I'd rather not say in specifics, but we did better than our bosses thought we would. And with that hopefully will come some sort of bonus. One would hope.

This has been easily the most taxing month of work I've had. I'm proud of the fact that I didn't make in serious mistake, and the biggest criticism I got was "that spot looks rushed". My response- "That spot was rushed. I had 4 other ones due on the same day as that one."

Between the wreck and work, I just don't feel like I've stopped in a while and just mellowed the hell out. I plan on doing that in the coming weeks because I have one of my fabled "vacations where I don't go anywhere" coming up. But I might actually go somewhere. I don't know, I might not. There will be some raking of leaves. The yard is filling up as I type this. Unfortunately I get off work way past sunset, so the weekend is the only leaf raking time for me. I think I might try to tackle the front yard this weekend.

Lately I've been feeling unsettled. Not bored, but... I don't know. Random. I can't really trace it, but it just feels odd. I don't know what it means, or its cause. But it's there.

Hm. I can't really describe it. Tom Petty can.

I used to live in a two-room apartmentneighbors knockin' on my walltimes
were hard, I don't wanna knock itI don't miss it much at all

Oh
yeah I'm alright I just feel alittle lonely tonightI'm okay, most of the
timeI just feel a little lonely tonight

I used to need your
love so badlythen I came to live with itlately I get a
faraway feelingand
the whole thing starts again

That's a little misleading (this isn't girl related). But the feeling is the
same.

sunrise

this photo either reminds you of some good times or doesn't. and if it doesn't then you missed some fun.

War Eagle.

...

WAR EAGLE

a bowl of iron

i'm off to Auburn tomorrow to set up the backdrop for our pre-game show (which airs 10 hours before the acutal game!). I do not currently have a ticket, but i'm not afraid to pay for one.

prepare yourself for pictures and blogging.


in other news Rock Band has taken over my living room. I plan on discussing that at some point as well. Sweeps is over next Wednesday...and I will be getting drunk.

That is all. War Eagle.

Shotgunning Beers

When one shotguns a beer, a hole is punctured near the bottom of the can. One puts his mouth to the hole, and opens the top of the beer, causing it to flow quite quickly out of the hole.

I witnessed something Friday regarding the shotgunning of beers that made me almost pee in my pants. One friend of mine, let's call him Todd, was messed up. In a bad, bad way. Luckily he was in his own home. So Todd has really had enough. But one of his buddies from out of town is just getting started. So Todd is swaying there, and his friend prepares a beer for shotgunning for him. His friend yells go and begins to shotgun his own beer. Todd, the poor bastard, is not aware of the the hole in his can. He proceeds to open the beer and drink it normally. Unfortunately, 80% of the beer is flowing out of the hole, all over him. The funny part is the 10 seconds it takes for the beer to empty on him, with Todd increasingly frustrated that no beer is coming out of the can. I suppose its one of those moments you should have seen, but Todd is completely exasperated by his defective beer, and slowly realizing he's now covered in it.

Good times.

we are grateful for our iron lung

so I went to remove my tag from my dead Honda. It was in Purgatory for Wrecked Cars. Surrounded by some horrific wrecks. It looked...healthy. Comparatively. The insurance company coughed up some cash for it. Normally I'd blow all that money. But I think I might actually do something moderately intelligent with it.

Except for Rock Band. I'm buying Rock Band.

Sweeps

It was a prety rough week at work. I think, but am not sure, that I completed about 18 spots. Next week might be worse. I responded to the week by getting drunk. It helped, I think. Last night was a disaster and a good time. There are pictures on flickr.

Also I added some pics of the Battle Van. Some hot van-on-garage action.

My posts are lacking. I am aware of this.

New Vehicle Assessment: 1990 GMC Safari 10/31/07-?

So I'm now driving my mom's old van. She upgraded to a CRV 4 months ago (lucky for me) and the trade-in value on a 1990 GMC Safari with no AC is not very high. The "Chris needs a car" value of the van is very, very high. The first van related test was "Does it fit in the garage?" The answer is yes. It's very, very close. and when it's in the garage...it IS the garage. But it fits, thank god.

The next test was painful. A week ago, I filled it up. That cost 46 dollars. Today, 1 week later (but only 5 days of real drivin') I dropped another $26 into it. It's getting about 13 mpg. So gas is definately a concern.

The next negative is quite obvious. Going from Accord to Safari has allowed me to appreciate the sublime feeling of a proper parallel park. Because that shit ain't happening in the van. Hell, sometimes I pass over regular parking spaces just because I don't like the angle. The van is very wide and does not do so well with turning radii. It despises them.

There is good, though. It sits up high- I like lording over the other drivers whizzing by beneath me. There is also a glorious abundance of leg and headroom. The Honda loved to give me a love tap on my head whenever I went over a bump. That is gone. It is also cavernous. If at any point you need to drive an NBA team somewhere, let me know.

I mentioned after the accident that I was car shopping. I have all but changed my mind. I figure I can pay off most of my debts and drive this giant van until it dies. And then promptly go back into debt. Well, the hope is to have some saved up so when the van does bite it, I could actually have some money down for a vehicle. That's the plan anyways. When I see you, dear reader, next summer and I'm covered in sweat, it's because I'm cheap. Just remember that. The AC is a definate issue. It's something about having to replace the freon to some new formula that cars use. I think my father told me getting this done would effectively cost the same amount as the van itself. One good thing is that my mother drove it sparingly- in 17 years there's only 91K miles on it. The Honda had 112K. Crazy.

"Battle Van" is its nickname. This was actually named way back in high school in reference to the Punisher's method of transportation. I remember quite clearly going on a trip with my parents and thinking to myself that when I'm old I'll never have a boring car like that one. I'll drive mustangs and ferraris. Yeah.

Monthly Feature: Happy Meal time

Total revenue for "The Exact Smile" blog for the month of October?



$2.74



Booyah! I suppose I need to wreck my car more often. Thank you so much, all 4 of you loyal readers. You have allowed me realize my dream of making an inconsequential amount of money talking about myself.



At this rate, the day the blog ends, December 21, 2012, I will have...



$167!

The End: Black Honda Accord (no real nickname) 2001-2007

I had an interesting morning. On my way to work, I decided for a rare treat- a chicken biscuit from McDonald's- something I haven't had in months. I knew it was going to be a busy day at work, and some food sounded good. It was this stop that sealed my fate, naturally.

I pull up to a stoplight on Montclair, and take a bite out of my chicken biscuit. I hear a crash, followed by another crash behind me. As I'm thinking "oh man that sucks for somebody" I glance in the rear view and for maybe a second, maybe less, I see a Honda Pilot careening towards me. I start to twist the wheel- but there's no time. I am jolted forward- and I remember clearly that fraction of time where I am not touching my seat but not yet yanked back by the belt. Fortunately I was wearing the seat belt. I'd rather not think about what would have happened if I hadn't. In the end, it was a six car pile-up. I was in the middle. Here's how it went down.

Redneck truck pulls up to the light. Behind him is UAB student Sentra. Behind that is Ditchell Honda. 30 feet behind that, Old Lady Honda Pilot, behind her Yuppie BMW. And behind them all, Old Guy Minivan.

Old Guy Minivan is probably going 50 mph when he hits BMW. BMW's hood is flattened into Old Lady Pilot. Old Lady Pilot somehow slides 25-30 feet into me, and then we scoop up the two front cars.

I'm still not sure why Pilot when so far. Perhaps Old Man Minivan was really haulin'. I don't know.

I get out of the car, and it is fucked. Accordianesque (see what I did there?) on the front and back. Old Lady Pilot is mainly concerned with her radiator (What is that hissing sound?) I bite back my reply (thats your truck eating my car, lady) silently. Naturally, other than some cosmetic scratches, the Pilot looks OK. In a bit of karmic justice she still had to get towed because it made a god aweful sound when she tried to drive it away.

We wait it out for the po po, and I get to witness some good ol' down home Alabama rubbernecking at its finest. Wow. You guys never see a 6 car pile up in Mountain Brook before?

The calvary shows up in the form of my father. We eulogize what a great car it was as he drives me back to my house. I go lay down for like 30 minutes. I'm not hurting- just feel like I got punched by Jesus or something. Kinda a sore neck but even tonight I don't think it's anything major. Work is... I don't know. I've just kind of been in a daze all day.

I am moderately excited about getting a new vehicle. Since I have existed on family hand me downs, this will be the first time I've done some car shopping.

But in the meantime, I get to drive my mom's old van. A relic of childhood/concert going that's really not bad at all. Except for gas consumption.

So despite losing what was easily my favorite, most reliable car ever, it's ok. It was time for a change. I'm ok (I think) and I wanted to say that I appreciate the frantic "WTF are you ok?!?!?!" emails today. It was a weird fucking day, and I'm glad it's over.

GH3 wins

Picked up Guitar Hero 3 today.

My hand hurts.

The blog suffers.

The Drought

One may wonder where my posts have been. Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I did one job at the station. I did it well. Someone else did a another job. She did it poorly. She found another job, and I took hers.

All was well. But then the spectre of SWEEPS showed up. And in the past, I would do my little job and she would do hers. Now... it's just me. And since the person who took my old job is out for a week, it's pretty much me. Doing both jobs. And when I'm not doing that, I'm either drinking or sleeping.

Listen, I'm not boohooing over here. Quite the opposite. It's satisfying to do good work and for the most part I'm happy with what I'm producing. But when I come home, I have not had the mental energy to blog.

This is distressing to me. So I am typing this right now. This pseudo blog. I have sworn to blog twice a week. And so it shall be. I will post again on Sunday. Don't give me any of that business about Sunday being the start of the week either. That's crap.

So. That's what I've been up to. On top of that, tomorrow my boss is coming to my house at 6:45am so we can go to Legion Field together to work the Magic City Classic.

November cannot end soon enough. (and yes, I recognize that it has not even started).

The Current Obsession- Portal 10/10

It's very simple. There's this game, called Portal.

Go read about it. Be warned they pretty much give everything away in that article

So when you win, the evil robotic voice that's been promising you cake and trying to kill you sings you a song.

A really, really great song. I am sure it doesn't have the impact if you haven't been playing the game, but give it a listen


BRILLIANT. I swear to you I've listened to this song about 20 times in the past 2 days. I even found an .mp3 for the Ipod. It occupies far too many of my waking thoughts.

I will refrain from talking about the brilliant ending you experience before you hear this song. But despite the lavish selections for the coveted (and just now conceived) Ditchell Game of the Year award, this is first on the list.

Portal can be played on a computer with a Steam account, or on an Xbox 360. Play it.

In Rainbows realtime review 9.5/10

I promised more Radiohead talk. This will be nigh incomprehensible if you haven't heard the album, and I suggest you skip it. Most of this was written during my 2nd listen through.

1. 15 Steps- What the hell? a drum machine? very odd. The guitar does not sound like them at all. Ooh. Now it does. Breakdown very, very Radiohead. Sounds Morrocan. And I don't know what that sounds like. When the bass kicks in... much better. I need some good headphones to listen to this on.

2. Bodysnatchers- holy crap thats heavy (for them). very upbeat. building...very bends-ish. wow. I really want to hear this live. This is my favorite song by them in 3 albums. more drums. the drummer must have complained. its ok, though. This could be the single- if they believe in singles anymore.

3. Nude- ok i know this song. I _think_ i might have heard it live. definately on a bootleg. it's all "motion picture soundtrack"-y now. nice baseline. very fat. they love the "angelic choir" sound. This is a very different version. much bigger. kind of winds down at the end. very nice.

4. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi- Jazzy! sorta. instrumental? no. did thom go deep sea diving? oddly upbeat. that might be my two word review for the whole album. gets real quiet... i bet they kick it back in. that would be just like them. "eaten by the worms"? and then "weird fishes". wtf? and there's the kick-in. with a bass line. this sounds like punchup at a wedding. damn that's exactly what it is. but about fishes.

5. All I need- starts slow. perhaps this is where it slows down. very deep bass? or something. it would shake the house if i turned it up. this is a very simple song. verse chorus verse. i dont say that as a criticism. and now a solo. noisy end. this is the most "typical" song so far.

6. Faust Arp- Beatlesy? wtf? this is a strange one. he doesnt stop talk/singing. its good. just odd. very, very odd. and short. 2nd favorite so far.

7. Reckoner- ok this was a bside on something. it was very heavy. now its... it sounds like the first song. Moroccan. I guess. I already like it better than the other one. very classic radiohead. except they bought some new drum mikes or something. it's slower i think.

8. House of Cards- upbeat again (i'd say the last couple weren't as much). Odd harp thing looped with a guitar. Harp thing sounds like a whale in heat. Simple song. reminds me of the early stuff, actually. This could not have been on anything after the bends. its almost happy. well not the lyrics...the tone. another verse chorus verse. these guys are getting normal in their old age. Is that backup singers?

9. Jigsaw Falling Into Place- very upbeat start. Bends again. I know I'm repeating myself. I'm just surprised that it isn't all bleeps and blips. This is a very "normal" song. even the breakdown is normal. wow. this is a good one too. driving. kind of like "there, there".

10. videotape- piano. more simple. singing about heaven. slow. i got a feeling this isnt going to kick in. odd drum beat. sounds like a reel thats done rewinding, with the tape flapping. ever hear that? wow that's exactly what it sounds like. its getting faster but the piano isn't. now he's...slurring it? wow. really a beautiful song. good way to end it.


OVERALL- Loved it. most "friendly" album in 10 years. Surprisingly simple and direct. I can already tell that I like it better than Amnesiac and Hail To The Thief, neither of which grabbed me like the others. This one is focused, distilled into a syrupy honey flavored treat. I think their time as "the guys who made Creep and then went all weird" is ending, and now they'll be "the guys who made Creep and then got all weird and then released an album that only old people like" is beginning. And as I jump from Wilco playlist to this album, I am perfectly OK with it.

What are you going to do, blog about it?

Open letter to Taylor Hill:

Yes, Taylor, I am going to blog about it. About your reckless and wanton desire to ruin my expensive carpet by equipping your very cute kid with Play Doh. Your parenting needs to be exposed. Looking back, I should be happy that you forgot the finger paints and chocolate cake.

With that said, you sprung upon that carpet as if it were an affront to all that you hold dear. The spot you cleaned is technically the cleanest nook and/or cranny in my home. Please come visit anytime.

Your pal,

Ditchell.

In Rainbows

Listening to the new Radiohead.

Immediate reaction is that it is fantastic. That should not be surprising to anyone who knows me.


More later.

bills

I've been a Buffalo Bills fan for about 20 years. I don't remember why I chose them. But I did. And this was before they went (and lost) to four Super Bowls. I went through that. Not as a geographical fan. But as a fan. So tonight, in the midst of vacating as only I do (not going anywhere, but not working), I watched them play with the undefeated cowboys for 3 quarters and 14:58 seconds. And then, in the way that only one who follows the Bills would understand and accept, they blew it.

I am not shocked. I'm not even that upset by it. Choosing the bills arbitrarily as I did, I should have expected no less.

My fall week off has begun. I'd like to tell you tales of adventure, but truthfully, I'm just kind of hanging around. I should probably go somewhere. But I'm horrible at planning such events. So I'm here. Not working. Sleeping late. Playing Halo. Edging the driveway. Laundering.

There's a nagging feeling that I should GO SOMEWHERE during my week off. I WENT SOMEWHERE in August, though. And honestly, I could not spend money and that wouldn't be a bad thing. I must resist this pressure. I think I will play disc golf tomorrow. And perhaps, if the mood strikes me, I will play some Halo.

So say we all.

Monthly Feature: I'm Rich, Bitches

Every month I will let you know how I'm doing financially. I added ads as sort of a joke, not expecting anything from it. But oh, how I was wrong! The month of September has netted me $.02! So keep looking at that ad, suckers! I'm riding this horse all the way to Barbados!


EDIT: My friend anonymous has reminded me that I am not to tell people to click on the ads. If he would have read more closely, I said "keep looking at that ad". But let's say he was in a hurry. Anyways, DON'T EVER CLICK ON AN AD. EVER. That goes for all sites you ever go to. Hold on, getting a PM from Google HQ....

Ok, apparently that doesn't work either. Here's the deal. Don't click on MY ads. Click on everyone else's ads. Twice.

(Thank god I didn't make a blog about ads).

In Rainbows

Radiohead dropped a bomb on the various internets yesterday. It's so short, I'll quote it.

Hello everyone.Well, the new album is finished, and it's coming out in 10 days;We've called it In Rainbows. Love from us all.
Jonny

So the new Radiohead album, the first in 4 years, it's coming out in 9 days. I go to pre-order it from them and... I get to set my own price. That's right. Basically, they are beating the wily internet at its own game. Leak their own album, ask for donations. Beautiful. I approve. You can have my six bucks, Radiohead.

Here's hoping the album is good.

Repurposing

Yeah, that's a Nintendo 64 controller. I have always admired stoners' creative bongs. I remember a certain unnamed friend in college who had transformed a bottle of Mrs Butterworth's.

In other news, I'm sick as a dog. I've always thought that phrase was odd, and perhaps that's why I repeat it. I am a giant snot producing factory right now. It hit the night I bought Halo 3. One would assume, then, that this was an opportune time to get sick, skip some work, and get in some Halo.

Yeah that's what normal people do. Unfortunately, I have too much going on at work. That is a odd phrase from me, I know. I don't know how to explain it other than I actually want to go to work. I don't want to stay home and play Halo. Well, let's be honest, there is a part of me that would like that. But there's this almost alien realization I have that makes me want to do well, and actually enjoys working.

I know, very strange. I punched a timecard for a long time there, devoting only the amount of brain power required in order to get by. But something has occurred- I have actually been given responsibility. And people (strangely) listen to what I think. Yes, I know. It's insane. And this actually leads to me caring about it more. This is all very new. And perhaps it will fade.

one night in prague

One night in Prague, I went out with a healthy mix of local ex-pats and touring rich kids. I suppose I was one of the rich kids. My parents had given me a sizeable amount of money for actually graduating college, something I'm not sure they actually expected me to accomplish. And for good reason- it was up in the air for a little while there. I did two things with that money- one very good and one very, very bad. The bad one was invest in tech stocks right before the bubble burst. That was around January 2000. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, just be glad you didn't invest then. It was a bloodbath of epic proportions. It would have probably been more productive for me to take that money, spend it on crack, and then go to rehab.

The wise thing is that I went to Europe for a month and half. I won't bore you with all the life changing/affirming moments. I think I'll bore you with one though, because I thought about it tonight.

That night in Prague. We went to a bar on the west side of town and I had absinthe for the first time. The next immediate memory is Tom running across the Charles bridge naked. And holding a girl whose name I forget as she cried because she just found out her brother died. Going to the Jewish quarter and telling the Aussies about the Golem. And long after the group had split up, finding a rave and dancing with strange exotic women. Yeah, I did that. Once. At the end of the night I sat in the internet cafe, watching the sun come up and checking my email. It was 2 weeks before I'd find out I had to come home. I sat there and wrote to a list of people, some of which I barely knew. I didn't even meet Julia until 2 days later. But the reason I bring it up- the reason I look at that night- everything was right in the world. For one night. Tom and I were going to the Bone Church the next day with the Australian girls, and the Boathouse Hostel was 5 tram stops away, on the Cerny Kun exit. I didn't worry about mortgage, bills, keys, or gas. It was good. I'm not going to say it is all downhill from that moment, cause it absolutely isn't. But that was up there...

Tempted as it may be... (Superbad 11/10)

I am not going to discuss Auburn football. I will not write about how pathetic they looked in a loss to a school they should never lose to (the very school that caused Alabama's coach to get fired last year). I won't bring it up again.

Let's talk about Superbad. I'll try to remain focused and review this movie calmly. Deep breath... OK.

Superbad is the greatest film in the history of cinema.

OK, that wasn't a good start. Let me explain. There have been films throughout my life that naive or no, I consider to be in my wavelength. Clerks definitely fell in that category. And while Superbad is about high school (mostly), it still fits. Perfectly. It's not even the events in the movie- it's the tone. It really reminded me of growing up. And on top of that, it's hysterical. A lot of times I'll watch a movie and not buy into it and start picking it apart from a story or technical aspect and derive enjoyment out of that. But the good ones make me forget all that. Children of Men did that (for very different reasons). I got completely lost in Superbad- never questioned the characters or situations. That's not to say it isn't ridiculous- it is. But it didn't affect me at the time.

I'm staying vague for a reason. Go see this movie now.

Sony Defense Force!

Meanwhile, in the world of video games...

Sony Defense Force is my new favorite blog about video games. Let me initiate you into dorkdom very briefly. Xbox and Wii have their shit together. Sony is languishing with an overpriced console and very few noteworthy games. It has become a running joke over the years how pathetic Sony has become. So what is a blog to do?

Get Defensive.

Here are some examples.

At first, you look at it as just some rabid fans, who are playing the age old my X is better than your Y. It's America at its finest- Coke/Pepsi, GM/Ford, ad infinitem. And I'm fine with that. But after reading it for a while, you realize... it's a giant joke. It has to be. Look at the last link above- they take the August sales numbers and combine all things Playstation to show that the "Playstation Brand" is the leader. Right NEXT to that, you see the two Nintendo systems. And if you added them up... well you'd need another chart. Once you get the joke- that this site is the equivalent of the Colbert Report- it's really an interesting read. I saw the NPD numbers on Kotaku, and I immediately went to SDF waiting to see how they'd spin it. Brilliant. I wish I had thought of it.

Oh, and try out the flash game called Bloxorz over there...
I am completely addicted to it------------->

Review: The IT Crowd 7/10

I had the opportunity to sit down with The IT Crowd. I watched the first season (6 episodes) and half of the second season over the weekend. It is not The Office, nor does it pretend to be. It's much sillier, and obviously, to a certain extent, a child of it. The show centers around two nerds who work for a giant corporation, and their wacky adventures. Oh there's a cute girl now in the department who knows nothing about computers? Hijinks ensue. Had that been the whole show, I doubt I would have finished the second episode. Fortunately, the show has a nice self-aware feeling to it, and deftly avoids the typical dumb humor that roams free here on American sitcoms. My favorite moments of the show so far include the introduction of the night shift worker and the season two premiere where the guys get suckered into going to a gay musical. The musical is called Gay! The gay musical!

Perhaps the funniest minute in the show is currently making the rounds- it's this anti piracy commercial that opens the 3rd episode of the 2nd season. If you can watch this clip and not laugh your ass off, you should probably skip over this one.

I'll rate The IT Crowd 7/10, and with the 2nd season being so much stronger than the first, they could work their way into an 8. I do not know if you can see the IT Crowd in the US yet, but I do know that if you know the right dark alleys of internetdom, they wait.

lost season

So.

I watched Auburn lose to South Florida tonight. It is almost alarming how quickly the entire tenor of the fall is precariously balanced on Auburn's record. It is, as if a new feeling, now apparent to me that there is more to life than football. One need not comprehend what it's like to actually legitmately care what a bunch of kids wearing a uniform do. I don't need you to understand. That's actually good, because speaking as a rational adult (whom I certainly attempt to be from time to time) there is no excuse.



But as someone who spends his falls yelling at televisions in the vain hope that it will all work out for the best, I wouldn't have it any other way. It is a ritual to me. Like church used to be.

Auburn will most likely go on to have a decent year. But last night, that vain hope of an undefeated season proving all the critics wrong was dashed. Until you lose, you have every right to think you're the best. But one loss (to a Conference USA team no less) and suddenly you look just like everyone else. I had hoped the first week's close win was not indicitive of the season. But after tonight, it is obvious that it was.

Despite all this boo-hooing and sadness, in every college (and most likely pro) football fan a well of hope springs up. As I exited the bar last night, drunk and mad, a part of my brain did what it has done since I was aware of football- the thought crept up and wiggled its way into my conscious like it always does-

"Next year...next year we're going to be good"

Trying to be funny

Today at work, it was dictated to me that I needed to come up with something funny.

It starts with
"Chris, step in here a second"

and ends with us trying to do something different advertising a morning show. I personally took over, becoming the arbiter of what was funny. My coworkers tried getting all elaborate. I simplified it down to words and phrases. Here is some of what I deemed funny:

1. Buoyant.
2. Dog Toupee
3. Truckload
4. "That's not in the Constitution"
5. Street Legal
6. Platypus

How these are going to work: Our morning crew sits around a table and someone asks if they saw that video we showed the day before, the response is something like "I didn't know couches were street legal". The End. Meant to be nonsensical and quirky. Hey, I want to watch that witty show.

Who knows if it will be any good (can they deliver the lines?). I did enjoy the latter half of work today, thinking hard about what I find funny and seeing if other agreed.

A night out

Sunday I spent the day finishing a video game (the excellent Bioshock) and doing "house stuff". Sunday night, I decided I needed to get out and do something interesting. This actually began earlier. During some menial house activity, such as folding clothes, I fire up a podcast. The newest Bottletree podcast featured the two bands playing Sunday. While neither band made me want to immediately go, neither was unappealing. So later when I decided to get out, that was the first thing that occurred to me.

I like The Bottletree (but I don't really like adding "The" to the title of it). I like crowd there. Mostly.

It's always an interesting mix. Sunday was no exception. One thing that those who know me well understand is that I'm quite solitary. There are plenty of times I like being alone. I also enjoy being alone in a crowd. Going to Bottletree is like that for me. I melted into a wall and did some quality people watching. There's a couple of classifications I see (and these are by no means the only ones).

a. Trendsters. You know who you are. You're wearing a funny hat or an ironic shirt. You're drinking a PBR. You're probably in your early 20's. You hope you're in your early 20's.

b. Grown up trendsters. I think I probably fall into this category. Those who are older, not quite as stupid, but are a little eclectic. I can handle these people.

c. The dragged-in. Those arriving at Bottletree through no choice of their own. They are the ones talking loudly during the quiet moments of the music, or spending the night on the patio.

I'm over-simplifying. And for that I apologize. My point is that Bottletree serves as kind of a nexus of things I love (good music) and hate (posturing scenesters). But I don't really hate them. In fact, I enjoy watching them.

The two bands I saw were Oh No! Oh My! and Au Revoir Simone.

ONOM for short were pretty good. catchy poppish. toe tapping or the classic Ditchell slight head bob. I'd see them again.

ARS. Three cutish girls and keyboards. Very Postal Servicy. Decent- but unfortunately they hit as much as they missed.

I ran into two denizens from my past- Mike F. from the Isley period (95-97) and Darryl from the Video Xpress days (Christ... 90-93?). I did not recognize either of them, but they did me.

Other notable appearances were the ubiquitous Red and Blonde of Red Blondehead. They were both shocked to see me, as if I had disappeared for some long period. Which I apparently have. Was last night my debutante ball, reintroducing myself to sociality?

Um no. Last night I was stir crazy. I sincerely appreciate Bottletree's function in the rich fabric of Birmingham, etcetera ad infinitum. But it's not really my place. 90% of the time, I'm going to On Tap. On Tap is a warm blanket. I can go to On Tap, play trivia, plant myself at the bar. That feels good. I don't think I will ever feel comfortable at Bottletree. This is not their fault and god knows they don't need to cater to my desire for trivia and sports. They are what they are, and I'm glad.

I'd like to end my first long winded blog with a explanation of what exactly you're reading. There was a time when I wrote quite often. I want to get back to that. And I am most certainly starting auspiciously. I am severely tempted to go back and edit this post, checking for tense violations and such...but at this point I am not too concerned with it. I think I just need to write something and actually put some effort into it. If for some reason you stumble upon this and actually enjoy it, then that's a bonus. One of my goals is to write not for anyone in particular, but develop a consistent tone and less rambling. Very boring stuff to you, but important to me.

So.

I made a blog back when they weren't cool. I blogged for weeks on end. I wrote all kinds of long winded descriptions of my life. I poured my heart into it.

And now, it must be gone. Cause I can't find it.

So I'm starting over. I need an outlet. I need something to dump my brain into. This will be it.

Tomorrow I'll start. Tonight I sleep.