GTA IV

I purchased GTA IV at 12 midnight last night, and at 12:07 I started playing it.

Unfortunately, that means that blogging will be at a limited pace for a little bit while I work this game over.

Please check back in a week and I'll have too many words to say about it in this space.

c

Cars.

Ok. I've spent the better part of the last two weeks pouring over Consumer Reports, Edmunds, and countless other sites- the Xb Owner's Club, Fitfreak.com, and multiple Prius sites.

And I'm sick of it.

Most of this was academic. I was getting a 03-04 Inifiniti g35 coupe. They are gorgeous, and can be found in a price that is high, but I can deal with for such a badass car. And then I read about the brake problems. Do I want to get new brakes twice a year? And don't think its isolated. Google it. It's all over. Screw that.

Today I drove a Acura TL (something was wrong with it- the salesman swore it was just the tires). It was big and roomy and 3K cheaper than it should have been. Warning sign. Then I drove a Volvo S60. I actually liked it quite a bit. But it's big. Real big. and a little readout in the dash proudly proclaimed 18.1 MPG! No. I'm currently getting 13 MPG. I am done with that.

So then I went and looked elsewhere. I thought the smaller Volvo, the S40, would be good. And it might be. But I've read too many posts about how unreliable they are. So I came home, and realized I did want a smaller car. So I went back out. To Tameron Honda. After explaining to Brian, my salesperson, that I was not buying a car that day, I jumped in a Honda Fit. It's a go-kart. Loved it. Gets 33 MPG. Plenty of headroom. Legroom is there, but not fantastic. It's small so elbows might get rubbed if i was carrying people around- but honestly most of the time in my car its just me. Perfect!

I get back to the dealership and Brian wants to run some numbers. Sure, I'll indulge you Brian. I get them, and they are really high. I kind of chuckle and politely explain how I'm going to finance the car myself at a lower interest rate and tax deductable. Can you beat that? Why of course we can. We just need your SSN. Oh and sign here saying you'll buy the car.

Excuse me? Really, Brian? After our long talk about salesmen bullshit as I drove the fit around, you're going to ask me to commit to buying this car?

Sigh. I understand people have to work for a living. But I got no sympathy for you, Brian. Go back to insurance. I can't wait for that inevitable follow-up call where he tries to guilt me into buying a car. Cause before all of this, I actually gave him my number. Yeah man, let me know when that black one gets in, I'll come check it out. But you screwed up, man. Cause there's no way I'm buying from you. Or any of these dealerships. I can't handle it. This is not Glengarry Glenross and I am not some elderly couple.

And besides- I get home thinking that the Fit was pretty sweet for a little pea shooter and I read about the all new/all better 2009 Fit. Coming this fall.

So its probably off the list. And I can't wait til fall. I want to drive a Saturn Astra, a Mazda 3, and maybe an older Audi A3 if i can find one thats automatic.

But now I'm also thinking of buying something really cheap. Screw this whole business. I don't have time for it. I'm not going to the gym. I'm not sleeping as much cause I'm sitting here researching cars. Its not killing me, but its making me miserable. Partially thats my fault. When I get into something- I do not mess around. I have got to resolve this.

So I'm thinking NOW that I spend much less than I want to. Maybe get a manual transmission. I'm sick of everyone telling me that I'll get tired of shifting. And if they're right, I don't have a lot of money in the car.

Or, god help me, I ride this GMC monster down the non air conditioned twilight of its years. with only the erratic Anti-lock brake light to keep me company. Sure when you see me I might be sweaty, but that will make up for missing the gym.

The crazy thing is that I'm starting to get very shallow about driving it. It has actually occurred to me as I pass by a moderately cute girl "What does she think of me in this van?" I've never had that sort of thought in my life. I also hate its lack of anonymity. I'll see acquaintances and they'll say to me "Saw you were still at the bar pretty late last night!" You know why they knew I was there? Because I'm driving a giant effing van.

I gotta go. Craigslist's parade of cheap, old cars isn't going to read itself.


Please note: I recognize how incredibly insignificant and ridiculous my complaints are if compared to virtually any other problem you or the citizens of an African nation are facing. If this disconnect with reality concerns you, I suppose you should take my blog as the simplistic inane drivel that it is and nothing more.

down from the ledge

So I went and drove a BMW 330i at lunch today. Let me explain this is very clear terms- it is the finest automobile I've driven. It screams. It purrs. It is everything that the reviews said it was.

And I'm not buying it.

Because after work, I drove a Scion xB. It has no pickup, no feel for the road, and looks like a minature version of the van I'm currently driving. But what it does have, is a 13K price tag. The BMW clocked in at 23.5K.

Logic hit me about an hour ago. I'm test driving the xB with a saleslady, who's wants me to buy it AT THAT VERY MOMENT. Despite her yipping, I notice that I liked it more than I thought I would. I have always liked the looks of them- but the inside is just as nice. Big and roomy, moreso than you think, and thoughtfully put together. It's different- but not TOO different. It's still a Toyota under that boxy shape.

My next task is securing credit and then I'll begin looking in earnest. But the concept of getting a car that I can pay off in 2 or 3 years is very appealing to me. And despite- and I swear to you I am not being my usual hyperbolic self- the fact that the BMW is fucking awesome, I can be happy in the Scion.

This could all change tomorrow. But today, I think I'm making sense.

Dammit.


edit: it did all change. but i'm trying to stay reasonable. maybe.

it wins

i stand in complete awe of The World's Hardest Game. It's just a little web based flash game. Turn down the speakers. Go ahead. I'll wait for you.

Yeah. Wow. I wonder what the other 28 levels are like.

I spent a healthy portion of today looking at cars. I slobbered over an Infiniti G35, FX45, and (oddly) a Honda Fit.

It's kind of scary that while it doesn't make a ton of sense, I could probably afford an Infiniti. An 4 year old one, before you start thinking I'm loaded over here. But still- not too long ago I never thought I'd have a house and a nice car. Really. I thought I'd be living in a rathole in Southside, typing in banners for the newscast on the weekends. And for a while, that's what I did. I wanted more, and now by some messed up circumstance, I kind of have it. Now before we get too excited, my meager little existence is full of monetary boundaries and obligations of a soul-crushing nature. But looking at these cars today- cars that I seriously never thought I would get a whiff of- it felt kinda good.

With that said, the sensible options are a Honda Fit or a Subaru Forester- both have excellent reviews and I could buy a Fit with the money that's in my couch right now. Yes, it's tiny, but inside it's actually rather roomy. More roomy than a Volkswagen GTI. I felt like I was going to the gynecologist when I got in that thing. And I've never been before. But I hear it's like that.

I'm going to take my time looking and saving up a little more scratch for the down payment. I'd love to find a steal somewhere so I can get the damn thing paid off as soon as possible. But days like today, with that extra hint of heat, remind me that I have to get out of that damned van. Sooner rather than later.

So I have the age old battle of practicality, voiced by the 109 horsepower Honda Fit (or the equally banal Subaru Forester, versus the 280 horsepower Infiniti G35 coupe. Now the Honda will be newer, definately a better service record, and substantially better fuel economy. The Infiniti will destroy everything in its wake with a hypersonic boom, stopping only to pay tickets, guzzle gas and stand around looking like a badass.

I think I know which one I'm getting. What do you think?

New Music and New Soreness

Day 2 of the gym leaves me actually feeling pretty good. Sore, but good. I lifted some weights tonight- they were surprisingly heavy. I feel- I don't know- more energetic? better. Definitely better. I'm going back tomorrow- I'm pretty much going to go until my body tells me I need to take a break. Except Thursday- that day the disc golf course beckons.

Let's try something different. I acquired some new music and tried to listen to most of it in the last 24 hours. Here are some quick thoughts.

Panda Bear/Person Pitch. The Beach Boys on acid. Well, more acid. How did I miss this? It made all the top ten lists from last year. And I love it. I listened to it twice today. I'm not going to say its for everybody- and I know the guy is from Animal Collective which has never done much for me- but this is very melodic and "m.wardy". I just made up that word.

REM/Accelerate. Surprisingly not bad. The promise of a more rocking REM album is definitely fulfilled. I expected this to be a 1 listen then banish to the dusty REM folder, but I will leave it in the rotation for a while.

The Sword/Gods of the Earth. I loved the first album for its unabashed slow grind metal feel. In an admittedly abbreviated review, the 2nd album appears to follow the same formula, but not in a way that makes me think it's stale. The jury is still out.

Nada Surf/Lucky. 2 years ago Nada Surf surprised me with the excellent "The Weight is a Gift". A quick spin around last years "Lucky" seems to follow that same track. Nada Surf is not a band I go around preaching about, but they grow on you. So far so good.

Metallica/Master of Puppets. It holds up. God, I love their instrumental songs.

Of Montreal/Satanic Panic in the Attic/The Sundlandic Twins. As my music pal will attest, I have yet to grow tired of "Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer" by Of Montreal. That album has completely taken over my ipod. Even though I listened to a ton of music today, I still listened to this entire album. Its absolutely brilliant. So I went back and am in the process of checking out the 2 albums before it. Sort of like when I heard Yankee Hotel Foxtrot I went back and got Summerteeth and Being There. And the analogy is apt- the earlier Of Montreal sounds very basic compared to "Hissing Fauna". I haven't touched Sundlandic Twins yet, but Satanic is very tame to me. Not bad, but tame.

Acquired but not listened to is the new Sun Kil Moon. I loved "Ghosts" and I hear good things.

Others still in heavy rotation are the new Raconteurs and Black Keys. Both are fantastic.

But seriously, get a hold of "Hissing Fauna". It will kick your ass.

work and sweat

So it's back to work this week. May sweeps is a mere week and a half away and already the hysteria has begun. For a variety of reasons I have decided to begin the long treacherous road to not being lazy. Today for the first time in a month I went to the gym after work. All I did was elliptical, but it could have been the elliptical of Satan. I won't bore you with my daily pursuit of some sort of health, but I did want to publicly shame myself into going more frequently. So consider me shamed.

I'm taking a brief break from posting Europe pics. There's entirely too many of them. I'm going to have to cull a little bit and determine which ones to post next.

That's about it. I expected work to be rough after essentially being off for 2 weeks, but surprisingly things seem to be humming along without me. Maybe they'll replace me with an intern.

One last thing: check this out.
Beautiful.

Maeby chases a laser

This is how you wear out a kitty cat before bedtime.

stvitus1

stvitus1, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I'm going to be adding Europe pics to flickr from now until the end of 2012. I'm trying to do at least 10 a day so check flickr whenever you need a fix. Now I have a scanner, no nook and/or cranny of my past is safe from flickr-ing.

You got some good blog this week. Don't get spoiled by it. Act like you've been there. Stop embarrassing me. Thank you, goodnight.

Day 2 and 3

Day 2 begins with us back in the courtroom. Endless questions- have you ever been involved in a criminal case? Half the room raises their hands, and we get to hear brief details about their cases. It sounds interesting, but actually its not.

My jury girlfriend (number 2) seated next to me is fidgety. We are talking now so she will occasionally lean over and ask me things like "are we getting a break?". As if I somehow possess this knowledge and am keeping it from her. Eventually the lawyers need to argue about something, and that sends 50 of us into a room designed for 12 people. I end up across the room from her, talking to a judge who was on jury duty. She falls asleep standing up. Very impressive. I talk to the judge- he says they'll keep us in here for 5 minutes and we'll then be released. We stay in there for 40 minutes.

We're not back out there very long when we get herded back into the room. This time she and I talk a little, but i mostly read. By this time I'm irritable and sick of my jury girlfriend and jury duty in general. I _know_ I'm not being chosen for this trial. When I mentioned the TV station, I could see all their little lawyer pens scribbling madly. After another wait, we are finally weeded out. My girlfriend and I are the first row to go. We walk back across the street to the jury room. One of my mistakes in my bored analysis of her was that I assumed she wouldn't be intelligent. Perhaps that says more about my views on women. Nah, it doesn't. I know plenty of smart women. I just didnt think she was one of them. We return to the relative comfort of the jury room. Jury girlfriend #1 is curled up asleep in her chair. Small people- they can do that. They can sleep in chairs like they are beds. Damn them. I slip into my seat, JG #2 into hers, but closer. Cause now I have a stable of ho's. I'm the pimp of the jury room. But then I see a different reporter walking by and hop up to go talk to him. Sewer stuff, of course. We have a smoke, he complains about work, I explain to him that other than boringness, jury duty is ok. He leaves, I go back in. And then it happened. My pimp status is revoked. Scary moustache guy, who had been with us in the coutroom but on the other side, has taken my seat. my pimp seat. Comically, as I'm walking back to my seat, jury girlfriend #2 runs to the bathroom, as if ashamed that this old moustache guy would dare try to fill my shoes. I move down further in my row, no longer in the safe confines of the column. I get a knowing look from jury girlfriend #1. She's not happy with the situation.

But the magic then happens. Jury girlfriend #2 spurns the moustached infidel, and sits next to me. It's not often you get little wins in your imaginary jury duty pimp game, but that was it. Moustache could have my older girlfriend- I will take The Most Beautiful Girl in the Whole Wide Jury Duty Room, thank you very much. I finish 1984 with satisfaction. She and I discuss banal stuff- none of it matters. Cause Moustache keeps sneaking glances at her and to my endless delight she catches him. Too funny. We are then freed for the day.

Day 3

I get there late and she is already surrounded with suitors so I slip in on the row behind her. She immediately turns around and says hey. I'd had the night to realize that I needed to pull it back. It was fun, but I'm sorry, I gotta move on. You're cute, but it'll never work. It's not you, its me. But she was having none of that. First of all, she's wearing a shirt with holes in it. You know like a sweater but thinner. I'm not going to dwell on that, but let's all agree that it was appropriate for attracting jury duty boyfriends. Secondly, she apparently had a long discussion with her husband about me and they decided that it was ok for her to be friendly to me. No, I don't know any of that. But it seemed different. Less guarded. I had to tell her all about my work and listen politely to hers. But it was ok. Because the growing sentiment in the room is that jury duty was about to end for most of us.

And so it did. Being a "m" I went first. Then she followed. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I'll never forget my imaginary jury duty girlfriend.

Wait that's too dramatic. I might forget her. She was, however, the living embodiment of the whole experience- fun to look at and talk to, but ultimately a thankfully short diversion from reality. Reality Duty was this week- new lawnmower, gutters, and brakes. That's what I've been doing. Next week, the assault on May begins. It's going to be a hectic month and a half at work, and I'm sort of looking forward to it. I'm ready to occupy my brain with something other than imaginary girlfriends and the futility of spending 500 bucks on a car I desperately want to drive off a ravine.

It's my duty to please that jury Day 1

So I had jury duty. Day 1. Wake up earlier than normal. Freak out because I can't find my summons (later, they appeared underneath my computer desk). I get there at 7:45, but I don't actually have to be there til 8:30. The room is cavernous, and comfortable. I choose a seat behind a giant column. My jury duty girlfriend #1 sits next to me. Her name is Amanda. She is 50, but surprisingly attractive. Tiny and secure in herself. She reads with interest a copy of Scuba World magazine, I re-read 1984. It's the copy I bought in high school, full of highlights, underlines. I talk to Amanda after she falls asleep on my shoulder.

Plenty of waiting. We are released for lunch. I go to Lynn Park to read Orwell. I see one of our reporters, who can't figure out why I come all the way downtown to read in the Park. Back in the jury room, I notice The Most Beautiful Girl In The Whole Wide Room. She is sitting a row in front of me, 5 seats over. Now let's be clear- the selection of attractive women on jury duty at any given time is attrocious. So her title, as bestowed in Upper Case, is specious at best. But in between my Orwellian reveries, I'm interested in her, from a purely Puritanical perspective. My mind never quits. I wish to God it did sometimes, but it doesn't. When I am stuck in a room, with nothing but time on my hands, and you are an attractive medical technicitian sitting on the row in front of me, then I might concoct your life story. I won't share it, but I will say that I wasn't far off. Anyways, Amanda gets called to a trial, but me and Mystery Girl are still there. Eventually we both get called. When you are in a trial, they seat you alphabetically. As I almost expected, I end up sitting next to her. The first thing I learn (because I'm a boy and we notice these things) is that she is happily married. And that was fine. She was merely a diversion- something to pass the time. Because listening to 48 people answer questions about various possible biases is fucking BORING. Figuring out what makes The Most Beautiful Girl in The Whole Wide Courtroom tick- now that is interesting. And since it is bad form to read a book whilst being questioned I had nothing better to do.

So what did I learn on day one?

She's attractive. No doubt about it. Probably 26 or so. From a small town outside of Birmingham. Scared shitless about being in court. Her entire little suburban world was totally upset by this week of inconvienience. She and her husband carpool to work. They only have 1 car. They are childless, and staunch Christians.

5:30 rolls around and I am released.
(note: I never said this was interesting, just long.)

Europe Pics

london-wa1, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I'm slowly uploading all my Europe pics to flickr. It's only been 8 years...

check them out at www.flickr.com/ditchellpics

Maeby 3 months old

Maeby 3 months old, originally uploaded by ditchell.

She's now leveled up to the point that she has figured out how to get on the computer desk. It is only a matter of time before she reaches the kitchen table.

Yard Pics

the ongoing vegetation apocalypse now has pictures. Just scroll past the cute cat that secretly wants to kill me. These were taken last week, pre-chainsaw. I'll be taking some more, if only for my own enjoyment.

I haven't worked up the gumption to write about jury duty. Perhaps tomorrow.

Monthly $

a pathetic $.88 to add to the total. That brings me up to $12.19. A long way from my glorious goal of $100, hopefully sometime before the end of the Mayan calendar.

I am contractually obligated to remind you not to click on my ads, no matter how safe, informative, and helpful they may be.

Chainsaws For Justice

I have a longish blog to write about jury duty. Perhaps this weekend.

In the meantime, I took advantage of getting out of there early today and continued with backyard jungle clearing. This time a new weapon enters the fray. A weapon that had I known before hand its power, it would have never been absent. That is the electric chainsaw bestowed upon me (with the instruction book so I don't chop my hands off) from my father. The Mitchell equivalent of Excalibur tore into the punji-esque tree trunks littering my backyard like a chef slicing celery. It's raw power was only stopped by the length of my cord, something that will be addressed.

After spending days of lopping and handsawing, the sheer brute force of a chainsaw is something beautiful to behold. As the sun went down I blindly thrashed through my yard, daring anything six inches or smaller in circumference to taunt me. My yard is now littered with corpses. It's truly a wonderful thing. My next hour or two into backyard fun will be removing them- which is always the boring part. Cutting stuff is fun. If you have the means, I highly suggest it.

To continue the mind-numbingly boring yard talk, I also used my free time to purchase a lawnmower. I'm looking forward to having one that actually cuts things up, bags them and also doesn't fill my yard with smoke. The previous mower actually caused one of my neighbors to come rushing out onto his deck. Kinda funny. He then went and shut all the windows facing my house. Wuss.

One might rightly ask where is all the video game talk? I bought Tiger Woods 08 and figured out how to listen to podcasts on my Xbox- the usual scenario since Saturday has been about 3 NPR/Giant Bomb/Major Nelson podcasts and a ton of simulated golf. And then I realize that its dark outside. It's fun, but we all know its just a stop gap til the end of this month when I will be swimming in Grand Theft Auto IV, just like every other dork you know.