I'm cracking my sweet love (angst blog)

I don't know why, but lately I've felt completely off. It was even there on vacation. Just kind of out of sync. Seeing the world move and gyrate and being one second late to that critical moment- saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Nothing feels right lately. I thought a week off would correct my spin- but it hasn't.

So I'm left wondering what it is. I start addressing other problems. I stay in on nights I typically go out. And I drink alone. The world moves and gyrates while I try to stand still. I try to perceive that line I'm supposed to follow. Cause right now, this doesn't feel like it. It feels like I stepped into something and I can't quite clean it off my shoe.

It's like immediately I don't care about all the things I thought I care about. My work has been listless. Going through the minimal motions. Not enjoying it, even though I know I should. I worked for 8 years to get here- and lately it just feels wrong. I'm reading this book about pattern recognition. It's all about these people who obsess over "the footage" that's posted on the internet- fretting over every release, trying to piece it together. Is it a narrative, or just a disconnected stream of video? Is the person releasing it to toy with people, or is part of the artistic vision the way its being released?

I feel connected to that, and nothing else.