From the Unintentional Archives...

So for some reason I checked my ancient email address, eurotrashchris(at)hotmail. This was the address I used for my 1.5 month trek across Europe, and generally anything else from 1999-2003. As I was deleting the thousands of spam, I came across a draft message that I never sent. Probably for the best. It's full of young angst and actually a little embarassing. It was to an unnamed girl who's married now (and most of you reading this don't know her).

so i'm in portland. why am i emailing you? cause i'm drunk. and i came home with ben, in hopes of finding a bar thats fucking open on this side of town.

i just walked about 2 miles. no bars. they're all closing. s

o i'm back at casey's. ben's asleep. casey and monica and ethan are downtown.

thats too far to walk, and the whole scene was getting a little too weird.

no energy to explain. i checked my mail, hoping for someone to reply to, no dice.

except my credit card co. fuck them. so i chose you. i dont know why.

i guess cause i know you'll read this. it doesnt matter if you respond.

i don't expect anything from you. or anyone. damn.

its funny, here i am, 2000 miles away, and this is what i'm doing.

its actually by choice, i could have gone back downtown. but its like anywhere else, just a new location.

maybe location isnt the problem. thats a shattering thought. ugh.

the scenery is beautiful. its like a norman rockwell painting.

its nothing like i thought it would be.

i never told you i read your paper you sent me. it was pretty good.

i think you sent it cause here i was sending you all this shit. and i did.

i think i'm going to move to tibet. that would be pretty fine.

somewhere that i don't see or feel the same shit.

i'm sure you're snug in bed, happily sleeping, dreaming about something wonderful while i write all of this.

you're not even aware of me, or the fact i'm sitting in casey's room, typing like crazy, wishing i had drank  a little more so i would have passed out.

so it goes.

so it goes.

i gotta go, theres people coming in, and believe it or not, this shit is quite embarassing