Braid

If you have an xbox 360, download this game now. If you don't have an xbox, then I'm very, very sorry.

Metal Karaoke at Speakeasy

DSC_0805, originally uploaded by ditchell.

It was a good time. this guy tore it up. I took a ton of pictures. head over to www.flickr.com\ditchellpics for more.

Open Letter to Neighbor and Coworker

Dear Sir or Ma'am:

I am not interested in your multilevel marketing plan. I also do not want to sell insurance to my friends or family. I am also not interested in the deep discounts access to your product will earn me. Mainly because I think it is complete bullshit.

Thanks,

Chris

falling for it

Well everyone ELSE is talking about it.

At first i scoffed. But it is kind of neat. I really like the whole column view thing. I'm not sure it's as good as google- searching for myself was met with mixed results. It found the same thing many times- something that google doesn't do.

But I do like the idea of someone doing something different with search. Competition is good. And when it IPOs I will be on it like a vulture.


In other news:

Cutting the grass today became an exercise in frustration. My new lawnmower (which proudly says in it "Guaranteed to Start") decided to quit while I was cutting the front. Gas and oil a plenty in it, I am stuck as far as what to do next. Mainly because I don't understand the combustion engine, and have no desire to learn its inner workings. I pay people for that. I'll just load it up in the van and take it to a repairman.

Now where did I park that van? Oh wait, there's this expensive still camera sitting where the van was. Hmm.

I am going to see if it starts tomorrow. Perhaps it was flooded or flurged or some other made up word about engines. If that doesn't happen, I'll place the call. It will go something like this.

"Father, it is time. There is a great disturbance in my yard. The lawnmower requires your attention."

"Yes my son. I shall bring my trailer and my own mower to finish the yard when you aren't even there. I will do a better job than you ever could have, and your neighbors will scoff at you for hiring elderly labor. And I shall take your mower back to my lair where I will dissect it, most likely breaking it beyond repair. Then I shall give you my old mower, and use that as an excuse to go buy a new one that will be superior to yours in every way. It will have headlights and a beverage holder. I will never use or understand any of the new features on it, of course."

I am trying to be funny. But he does have a way with things. He'll come over, look it over, and find that one critical thing that I never knew about and twiddle with it. It's infuriating in a way, but I can tell he likes that.

But it's also my fault. The other day my neighbor let me borrow his power washer. Aside: dude, my driveway is WHITE. When he was showing me how it worked, we were talking about how my garage door is on its last legs, shuddering down the track. he looked over and showed me how ALL the bolts on it were loose. I'm talking really loose. I would have never thought to actually check them.

But the laugh is on him! I tightened the bolts and it still appears to be slowly dying. Maybe something else is loose. I need to attack it with wrenches. I'll do that Eventually.

flickr crazy

I love my new camera. Check out my flickr page. I'm pretty proud of my "return to where I used to go as a kid and its all fucked up now" pictures. Cause they communicate how i felt. I was in complete shock that this nice little park I used to ride my bike to is completely decimated. And nature is slowing swallowing it up. I should have walked around more, tried to get a picture of the pool. But I was really shaken by it.

I went to the Terminal fundraiser show tonight solo. It was OK. I really hope they stay afloat. But as I told the guy behind the site, if I like what you're doing then most of Birmingham probably does not. At some point you have to appeal to the masses, not the 20 people who are at Bottletree every time I go.

I saw some people I knew at Bottletree, but the whole night felt hollow to me. I felt like I was going through the motions- stepping outside my fragile little circle again and observing people like I was watching a nature doc.

Sometimes I do things and I don't fully understand why. I guess going to Bottletree was one of them. The safe bet was hanging with Phil and Wendy and then going to Chad's. But I chose to go alone to a show full of people I barely know. I either have to stop doing that sort of thing, or stop wondering why I do it.

It's not that I had a bad time, it was just odd. This whole week, month, year has been odd. And I'm not sure why.

The Dark Knight

I saw the Dark Knight in IMAX tonight.  The IMAX part was cool, but I want to see it in a ral theatre- at times it was just too much.

But the movie. Some of my friends seemed a little underwhelmed. I don't know if they were watching some other movie. 

I said when I saw Batman Begins that finally somebody who's making these things gets it. Tonight I say that somebody who's making these things is a genius. The characterization of the Joker is so concise- so pitch perfect. I had no love for Ledger, but after seeing this, I'm quite sorry the poor bastard is no longer with us. He nailed it. They all did. There are some nits I could pick- but why bother? It's a great movie. It surprised me in many ways, and I can't wait to see it again. 

The show

Did you see that South Park where Britney Spears blew her head off but the media still followed her every move? And then at the end (sorry to ruin it) they found Miley Cyrus and started following her? Stan's dad was part of the unspoken cabal intent on destroying celebrities.

And I think it's true. I have a friend- Let's call her Misty just to piss her off. Misty has a problem- Misty is obsessed with everything that Amy Winehouse does. And she shares the minutia of "Wino"'s life on google reader. Being one of her friends, I am updated to Wino's every move. Unfortunately Misty also shares some interesting things, so I can't immediately discount her shared items. So here I am, at least once a day, skimming past headlines that are totally concerned with the fact that some drugged out "talent" left a club with a lamp. That was the story the other day. She took a lamp.

Some days, she goes out to get cigarettes. Some days she get's drunk. Or signs an autograph. No matter what she does, I can see in my head the 18 photographers following her around.

That's probably the worst part of this whole business- how do you wake up in the morning and go to work, when your job is to stalk some fucked up celebrity? You have to know in the back of your head that you are the problem with the world. Kind of like somebody who tries to get people to watch something on television by scaring them or telling them that the life of their children depends on it. What do you call those people? Hmm.

At least at my job, I'm not jamming a camera in someone's face.

The next to worst part is the writing of these sites that Misty frequents. It's pure bile. I'm still shocked sometimes by the hatred they have of Wino. It's as if I had to write about pudding all day, and pudding killed my father. That is the tone of the articles. Let me dig up an example..

In this passage, the writer talks about what it would be like to look at Wino's breasts...

I’d say “not a pleasant sight” is a bit of an understatement. It’d be looking at
two scabby fried eggs you found on the ground and then squashed and slid around
on a dirty window. And the scabby fried eggs are attached to the alien from
Predator’s head and the alien is making the tongue-between-the-fingers sign for
cunnilingus and snarling at you through the partition. I’ve had nightmares that
weren’t that hideous. I’m pretty sure hara-kiri is the only respectable choice
for your penis once you’ve seen something like that.

I appreciate some good filth as much as the next guy, and reading this alone might elicit a chuckle from you- but imagine reading this every day. Imagine writing this every day. After a while, it wears on me.

When she dies (which she probably will soon) then I'll have to read hateful critiques of the funeral. And then some guy will blast her choice in caskets. And then some other asshole will talk shit about her gravestone (it should be made of crack! ha!).

You know, I obsess over video games and media and computer shit. And maybe I'm a giant dork. And I need to go to the gym and eat better.

But thank god I'm not one of these people. I'm better than this shit.

a bunch of savages in this town

DSC_0066, originally uploaded by ditchell.

I thnk Casey might have captured what its like to hang out with drunk Lawlesses in one single picture...

Photo picture making

So. How was your week [that's good, Chris. Engage the reader]

Fantastic. I had a good week too. [and now hook them with your trademark self reflection. No other blog is doing this. Cutting Effing Edge, bro.]

I decided to buy a digital camera. Not just any digital camera, but one of those fancy ones. A Nikon D80, to be exact. Now the most obvious question, and quite a good one, is Why?

Unfortunately there's not really an easy answer. In my "professional career" there have been moments of time when I needed a "real" "camera" [Quote marks make you look smart and are almost never ridiculed for being used in the wrong place]. But those odd times don't necessitate owning one- just knowing who to call on when you need one.

But there's another factor at play here. One I've been toying with during the early part of this very blog. My ego.

I got one. And when I see something creative it never fails that a small part of my brain says "I can do that."

So I bought a camera. I'm reading about f/stops and ISO. And either I'm going to "do that" or I can't. But I need a challenge. I've obviously conquered the "way too old to play Call of Duty on a Saturday morning" challenge. And fortunately for a certain TV station, I'm obviously the shit when it comes to writing and producing. [ I wonder if sarcasm comes across in this medium?]

So let's see what I can do with stillz. Maybe nothing. Maybe I'll just have a kickass camera I use every now and then. Maybe I'll annoy the shit out of you talking about lenses I want. [and there are lenses I want, dear reader]

But whatever. It's something new. I gotta have new things. I gotta either fail or succeed. But I need to try. I have to. Just wait til I get the equipment for my concept album. [whew. they probably think I'm joking]

new camera again

DSC_0022, originally uploaded by ditchell.

don't leave your new camera alone with Lawlesses.

rampant consumerism unchecked

Oh yes.

doolittle, chainsaws, and long rakes

Video game talk. Run.

If you know me, you know I am a big fan of Rock Band. Tonight, I played Doolittle by the Pixies.

The entire album. In a game.

I can honestly say its one of those video gaming benchmarks for me. Here's an album I've been listening to for 15 years, I know every word and every sound on it. Getting to interact with it is a truly beautiful experience. One can level many criticisms at music games' lack of reality- and choosing between five colored buttons instead of a fret board is a clear dumbing-down of the process. But in its rawest form, the act of causing Joey Santiago's guitar to play or not based on my input- well its damn fun. I've thought of all of this before- but sitting down and playing a complete album really makes it special.

I can't wait to have some of the crew over who love this album too. I can't wait to screech into the mike "cookie I think your TAAAAAAAAME!". I want to play the bass on every song- guitar is fantastic but there's so many bass lines.

And I haven't even thought about drums.

Guitar Hero: World Tour is coming up. It has an alledgedly better drumkit and the sweet nectar of user created songs (no vocals for obvious reasons). But tonight reminded me that Harmonix (the original Guitar Hero creators who moved on the Rock Band) still have a leg up on the newer publishers of Guitar Hero (Neversoft, who previously did Tony Hawk games. Seriously). If you play Guitar Hero 3 and play Rock band you can just feel the difference. Rock Band was created by people who love music and know music. Guitar Hero 3 (and the upcoming Aerosmith and World Tour) were created by people who used to make skateboard games and now want to make money.

Speaking of money, Guitar Hero World Tour would require me to own 2 (!) fake drum sets. Fortunately I have guitars that will work with it. I don't know if the mike will work with it or not. My plan is this- let it come out and see what the user generated content comes up with. If it's robust, then its a consideration. The unknown factor at this point is how Rock Band will respond. I have a feeling they will answer loudly. They also will most likely allow all the songs I've bought to carry over to the next game.

These things are becoming platforms inside of platforms.

End video game talk.

I've been going to the gym. I am sore in the appropriate places. It feels good. I took tonight off and instead attempted to clean the roof of my shed in the back yard. I duct taped a rake to a long branch to scrape the roof of the leaves and dirt that have collected there. It worked. Sort of. But the funny thing was, there were growing plants up there. Perhaps I should do that more often. I am going to have to devise a more stable Long Rake for future endeavors. On the main roof of the shed I merely succeeded in pushing the loam to the rear of the roof. A couple of my most energetic thrusts (yeah, that one's free folks) resulted in the ladder slightly shifting. Not a good prospect when you're 12 feet in the air. So that- and thunder- ended my pitched roof battle. heh.

Oh and Sunday I got to use my new chainsaw. It is, as I expected, the most fun you can have with a power tool. Especially after cutting down things with loppers and a hand saw. It's almost effortless, and I get a kick out of the arterialesque spray of wood from the small trees I felled. Yeah, I'm into that. Sue me. The yard is a constant battle. Any of you with houses know this. I walk out to get the mail and I can spot about 15 things I want to do. And just looking in the back triggers all sorts of nagging reminders. The weird thing is, part of me wonders why I am so (albeit mildly) obsessed about my yard. I used to look oddly at my father when he would spend hours on his day off in the yard doing all sorts inconsequetial things. But now that I'm older, I guess I get it. It's just like anything else- it can consume you. Sometimes you need something like that to forget about all the crap you have to do at work, or the various other ruts you have dug for yourself.

I'm down with that.

last week

here's what i did at work last week. i'm quite happy with it

bravado

Well. My bravado regarding the spaying of Maeby has most definitely subsided. I took her in this morning, and picked her up after work. She's... worn out. And unlike when my boy cats got fixed, when I saw the incision I gasped. They GO IN there. And remove things.

I'm feeling quite guilty about the whole thing right now. But I guess it's natural. As long as there aren't any complications, everything should turn out ok. But seriously, it's a big ass cut.

She's moping by my feet right now. The doc suggested I isolate her for a night and let her rest. I went downstairs and watched some TV. When I came back up, somehow she'd gotten in my computer chair. Considering how incredibly sore she is, it must have been a feat. It would be like... well shit. I can't actually relate to what it would be like. I bet it hurt.

I'm thinking about taking the chair out of the room tonight.

So instead of going out on a friday night, I'm drinking bourbon and feeling like shit because I got my cat spayed.

This is living.

chop chop

my tiny little furball of biting scratching thumbtack hating misery is getting spayed tomorrow. she is currently unaware of her plight. despite the lunacy of it- i kind of feel for her. she's going to have a traumatic day. i actually scheduled it on a friday so i could hang with her tomorrow nite and make sure she's ok. it's weird how ten years ago i'd be repulsed at the concept of staying in to care for an animal, and i'm kind of looking forward to watching some Mad Men and making sure the cats don't kill each other.

1999

some of us were making short films about unrequited love.

heat

So. My adorable, almost six month old cat Maeby is feelin' frisky. I think. She goes into the center of the house, making sure that all can hear her, and lets out this...yowl that sounds like she's being stepped on by Nazis. The first five times she did this, I rushed to her anticipating her impeding death. 

But now I know. The vet told me I had six months. But Maeby had a different time table. The worst thing about it is that there's nothing I can do. It's best to wait for her to die down before we go in and chop those ovaries. And much like my experience with my male cat, Koba, I can't wait to chop em off. 

Koba was the first cat I had ever been around longer than a couple of hours. He and his brother Otto were (and still are) awesome, badass cats.  When we first got them, I recoiled at the thought of chopping their balls off. As soon as they started spraying everything in sight, I changed my mind. And just like them, Maeby's time has come. 

The funny thing is Koba hates her more than usual now. I think he's kind of upset there's a girl who's good to go and he can't do anything about it. Sorry fella- you're the one who peed on my stereo seven years ago. 

I had some more reader feedback on the blog. It was suggested I spend less time on cars, and more on delicious yardwork. Well I have little to report, other than a perilous oil change for the lawnmower. But that will change. Because sitting on my couch is an 18" chainsaw. I call it ChainMaster X. Well not really. I just made that up. But when the weather's nice and I get a chance to read the manual, there's going to be a culling. If you're a small tree in my backyard, and you somehow can read these words, then know that they are the harbinger your doom. 

More stories

No not the good kind of stories. The kind you write at work.

Here's my story about our new News set!
http://www.cbs42.com/news/local/19721479.html

Complete with pictures of my coworkers with sledgehammers.

It's Promoterrific!

Writin'

I wrote an article for CBS 42's website. Have a read- I'm pretty happy with it.

http://www.cbs42.com/green/19505484.html

Watching too much Top Gear has made me think I can review cars

let go

I had a good weekend. I just sort of let go of all the angstitude and concentrated on the moment. I got some reader feedback that my blog reads like a gossip column. I take reader feedback pretty seriously- if you're actually taking the time to read the blog, then I should adjust. So now I will detail how to properly shotgun a beer...

I kid, I kid.

Actually if I were to keep score, then this weekend wasn't that great. But what's the use of that? I'm not even sure what measurement I could use for scorekeeping. World 16000, Ditchell 6. There. That's the running score. But those six points- I earned them. I guess. 

The beerfest was a spectacular clusterfuck from the outside. Once inside it was fine. Post beerfest was an interesting night. It didn't go well but Sunday morning I didn't care. Something washed over me today. Maybe it was that hellish downpour, hail striking my windshield as I went to visit the parents. But I sort of recentered things. Fortunately such an extreme measure did not require peyote. And it wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't say to myself "OK stop this shit."

I just kind of felt it. I don't think anyone will ever be able to tell me how the subconscious mind works- and if they try they are most likely full of shit. 

But what I find interesting about this...whatever it was... is that not too long ago this wouldn't have happened. I feel (perhaps incorrectly) that getting older has mellowed out my brain. In a good way. Less drama and more... sureness? I don't know the words. 

Never mind. It sounds ridiculous. I think its true, but it does sound ridiculous

With all of that out of the way, I give my highest possible musical recommendation to an odd choice- Springsteen's The Seeger Sessions. 

I thought I was too cool for Springsteen. But I'm not.  It's distilled American music. I can't describe it any better. It's wonderful.