Cars.

Ok. I've spent the better part of the last two weeks pouring over Consumer Reports, Edmunds, and countless other sites- the Xb Owner's Club, Fitfreak.com, and multiple Prius sites.

And I'm sick of it.

Most of this was academic. I was getting a 03-04 Inifiniti g35 coupe. They are gorgeous, and can be found in a price that is high, but I can deal with for such a badass car. And then I read about the brake problems. Do I want to get new brakes twice a year? And don't think its isolated. Google it. It's all over. Screw that.

Today I drove a Acura TL (something was wrong with it- the salesman swore it was just the tires). It was big and roomy and 3K cheaper than it should have been. Warning sign. Then I drove a Volvo S60. I actually liked it quite a bit. But it's big. Real big. and a little readout in the dash proudly proclaimed 18.1 MPG! No. I'm currently getting 13 MPG. I am done with that.

So then I went and looked elsewhere. I thought the smaller Volvo, the S40, would be good. And it might be. But I've read too many posts about how unreliable they are. So I came home, and realized I did want a smaller car. So I went back out. To Tameron Honda. After explaining to Brian, my salesperson, that I was not buying a car that day, I jumped in a Honda Fit. It's a go-kart. Loved it. Gets 33 MPG. Plenty of headroom. Legroom is there, but not fantastic. It's small so elbows might get rubbed if i was carrying people around- but honestly most of the time in my car its just me. Perfect!

I get back to the dealership and Brian wants to run some numbers. Sure, I'll indulge you Brian. I get them, and they are really high. I kind of chuckle and politely explain how I'm going to finance the car myself at a lower interest rate and tax deductable. Can you beat that? Why of course we can. We just need your SSN. Oh and sign here saying you'll buy the car.

Excuse me? Really, Brian? After our long talk about salesmen bullshit as I drove the fit around, you're going to ask me to commit to buying this car?

Sigh. I understand people have to work for a living. But I got no sympathy for you, Brian. Go back to insurance. I can't wait for that inevitable follow-up call where he tries to guilt me into buying a car. Cause before all of this, I actually gave him my number. Yeah man, let me know when that black one gets in, I'll come check it out. But you screwed up, man. Cause there's no way I'm buying from you. Or any of these dealerships. I can't handle it. This is not Glengarry Glenross and I am not some elderly couple.

And besides- I get home thinking that the Fit was pretty sweet for a little pea shooter and I read about the all new/all better 2009 Fit. Coming this fall.

So its probably off the list. And I can't wait til fall. I want to drive a Saturn Astra, a Mazda 3, and maybe an older Audi A3 if i can find one thats automatic.

But now I'm also thinking of buying something really cheap. Screw this whole business. I don't have time for it. I'm not going to the gym. I'm not sleeping as much cause I'm sitting here researching cars. Its not killing me, but its making me miserable. Partially thats my fault. When I get into something- I do not mess around. I have got to resolve this.

So I'm thinking NOW that I spend much less than I want to. Maybe get a manual transmission. I'm sick of everyone telling me that I'll get tired of shifting. And if they're right, I don't have a lot of money in the car.

Or, god help me, I ride this GMC monster down the non air conditioned twilight of its years. with only the erratic Anti-lock brake light to keep me company. Sure when you see me I might be sweaty, but that will make up for missing the gym.

The crazy thing is that I'm starting to get very shallow about driving it. It has actually occurred to me as I pass by a moderately cute girl "What does she think of me in this van?" I've never had that sort of thought in my life. I also hate its lack of anonymity. I'll see acquaintances and they'll say to me "Saw you were still at the bar pretty late last night!" You know why they knew I was there? Because I'm driving a giant effing van.

I gotta go. Craigslist's parade of cheap, old cars isn't going to read itself.


Please note: I recognize how incredibly insignificant and ridiculous my complaints are if compared to virtually any other problem you or the citizens of an African nation are facing. If this disconnect with reality concerns you, I suppose you should take my blog as the simplistic inane drivel that it is and nothing more.